How Soon Does a Man Know He Wants to Marry You?

Here’s the truth: at some point in dating, everyone wonders if the other person knows. If you’re dating with the intention of getting married, the last thing you want to do is waste months or even years on a guy who’s not sure if you’re “the one.”

So, how soon does a man know if he wants to marry you? Is it wiin seconds of meeting? Minutes? Months?

As it turns out, science has the answer.

Men Form Opinions Faster Than We Think (And So Do We)

First impressions matter more than most of us even realize.

Research has found that men (and women) start forming opinions about a woman’s relationship potential within the first 10 minutes of meeting her. A study out of Ohio State University found that early interactions set the stage for the entire relationship, and most of us don’t even realize it.

Of course, that doesn’t mean that he’s racking his brain to figure out when he has availability to get married. But it does mean that his brain (and yours) are both quietly wondering:

Could this encounter lead to a long-lasting relationship?

This Is When A Guy Decides If You’re “Marriage Material”

A 2018 survey from Princeton University found that it took men (and women) approximately 172 days to decide whether they wanted to marry someone.

That’s approximately six months.

So, the next time someone says that if he hasn’t made an official commitment to you by the 6-month mark, it might be wise to listen. Men generally know by then if you’re someone he can envision spending the rest of his life with.

Why the 6 Month-Mark Can Be a Good Assessment

When we first start dating someone, the connection is fueled by dopamine and flirting. Many of us are on our best behavior. But around 3–6 months, the honeymoon phase begins to cool off, and reality sets in.

This is when we tend to enter a new phase of the relationship. During this phase, we start to notice how we handle conflict, whether we share the same values, and what it would be like to spend every day with that person. The veil lifts, and we see the person (and connection) for what it really is.

Although this can send people running for the hills (and from the relationship), it can help others know, with confidence, that this person is “the one.”

At the end of the day, he’ll ask himself:

Do I want to spend every day of the rest of my life with her?

And that’s when he’ll know.

Knowing Isn’t the Same Thing As Proposing (And That Matters)

Here’s where some people get confused. A lot of people think that once a man knows he wants to marry you, that means he’ll propose.

The reality is that it doesn’t. Not always, at least.

There are a number of other factors that come into play that determine when he’ll propose.

He might not be emotionally ready yet.

He might not be financially ready yet.

He might not feel the time is right due to school and career.

Just because he knows that you’re the one he sees himself doing life with doesn’t mean that he’s actually ready for married life to happen. It just means that he knows that you’re his person — or that you have the potential to be his person, anyway.

Remember, Lack of Commitment Is a Red Flag

Remember that research is just an average. There are always outliers. When you ask men how fast they knew they were with the woman they were going to marry, some say they knew in weeks. Others knew in months. But some guys genuinely take longer.

But it’s important to be aware of the red flags. If you’re well past the six-month mark, pay attention if he’s saying things like:

“I don’t want to put a label on anything.”
“Let’s just see where things go.”

“Let’s go with the flow.”

“Do we need to define it? Just enjoy the ride.”

Those are signs of avoidant attachment. He might just want to ride out friends with benefits or a situationship without ever taking things to the next level. And you owe it to yourself to move on to someone else who’s dating with the intention to marry.

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This post was previously published on medium.com.