I grew up in the 1960s when as a child, my actions had consequences. I remember very clearly thinking to myself when I was asked or told to do something, that I had better do it in order to avoid a negative consequence. In the way, I would do something in order to experience a positive consequence.
One of the most vivid memories of a negative consequence was when a bar of slightly wet soap was put into my mouth for sayings something wrong. While there were limited ways that what came out of my mouth could get me in trouble, one of the most egregious ways was cursing or calling another person a very bad word.
I don’t think I was alone in not being allowed to use curse words growing up. I rarely heard them in our home and came to believe that they were not part of the conversations that I had with other people.
I recall how cruel kids can be with words, mostly because I was bullied for much of my childhood and words were the primary method of assault. I was not allowed to call another person any kind of word that could be construed as an action or insult. To this day, I rarely if ever call another person a name that is derogatory.
I was taught to speak properly from a young age, and remember that by the time I was in 3rd grade I score a 98 on my vocabulary on my report card. I knew my words and I knew which ones were appropriate and which ones were not when talking with other people.
Those lessons taught me more than how to use words like procrastinate versus lollygag while in elementary school. I learned the importance and value of the words that came out of my mouth. I was responsible for minding my own mouth from an early age.
Another lesson that I learned, as a result of the consequences, was the connection between cause and effect. I am certain that I did not know it in those terms until I grew older and studied psychology, nevertheless, I got the point that my actions came with a set of responses from my parents or other authority figures in my life.
I came to understand the importance of cause and effect when I realized that I was a citizen of a larger community with a responsibility to be courteous to other people. I placed a heavy emphasis on my interactions with my classmates and friends knowing that when and if I said something wrong, I would be punished.
I developed personal accountability for my own behaviors when I knew that they had the power to reward or punish me. There was a time when I was in 5th grade when we had a substitute teacher and my classmates acted out the entire day. I knew I needed to act ‘right’ or there would be a punishment when the ‘real’ teacher came back. In fact, when she returned, she made all of my classmates write out an apology statement 1000 times and turn it into her. She excluded me from the punishment because in the report she received, the substitute teacher commended me for my exemplary behavior.
I learned those lessons early in my life which helped me to understand my own set of values and principles. These became critical when I accepted my first role as a leader. By the time I was in high school and I was the Spanish Club President for two years, I knew the power of my words and the impact that they might have on other people. I did my best to say affirming and esteeming things before I understood that language clearly.
It is recognized globally that there is a leadership epidemic, that is to say, that there are not enough leaders for all of the roles today and for at least the next 10 years. Those in a leadership role are ill-equipped to take on everything that is required of a leader and create havoc and chaos in their wake.
LEADERS are responsible for building trust and respect with other people. One of the ways that support that is using words that unite individuals in creating a community. What comes out of a LEADERS’ mouth has an impact on those around them. LEADERS who do not understand that their words have an effect on trust and respect are not competent or proficient LEADERS.
Each person has one thing that undeniably represents who they are as a person, their behaviors, and actions. We cannot divorce ourselves from the things we do and say. Once we have done it or said it, it is a part of who we were are in the eyes of other people. It builds or destroys credibility for a leader.
My leadership style includes a significant focus on modeling the behaviors that are representative of a trustworthy and respectful person. My actions have a direct impact on other people’s reactions. What I do and say will elicit a reaction or response from another person.
I work to hold myself accountable for doing and saying things that motivate and inspire other people to take actions that build trust and respect in their own lives. Without mutual respect, in terms of what we say to each other, we erode as a community and lose our sense of being courteous towards each other.
In the simplest of terms, LEADERS must motivate and inspire others towards their vision. Great LEADERS do that with deeds that create community, not division. Proficient LEADERS do that with words that build others up, not attacking them.
What will you Do and what will you Say as a LEADER to create a civilized community?
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