Ever heard those awfully dreaded words; “let’s just be friends”? This has got to be one of the worst things a guy can hear from a woman that he likes. Personally, I’d rather listen to babies cry than be on the other end of that sentence. If you’ve ever experienced it, then you know how painful it can be. We’ve all faced it, especially all you “nice guys” out there – and It’s always with a woman you really care about or have fallen for. It just downright hurts.
Attraction is a sliding scale, and even though you get one shot at a first impression, you can always tip the scale of attraction in your favor. As difficult as it may be, you have to play it cool. The more you try to force the situation or push, the more likely she will pull away.
So just how do you avoid landing yourself in the Friend Zone? Here’s a list of rules to follow to make sure you never end up in that dreaded place the next time you’re going after a woman you really care about.
Rule #1: She is Not Different
The truth is that we do this to ourselves. We land ourselves in the friend zone because of how we behave around her. We tell everyone “she is different”, so therefore we start to act and treat her differently. But she now holds all the power. I too am guilty of this. And it never ends well for me. Even experienced men, ones that have “good game”, for some reason act ridiculous when they really, really like someone. So the first rule that I want you to instill to avoid landing in the friend zone is never, ever treat her differently. She may be a perfect representation of your ideal girl, but she is not different.
Rule #2: It’s On You to Make it Happen
You’re going to have to take full responsibility if it’s going to happen for you. You alone are responsible for making yourself more attractive to her. Not your friends and definitely not “leaving it up to fate”. It’s your responsibility to take charge of the interactions and instill the mindset that you are responsible for moving things into the direction you want them to go. Although timing does play a huge role in this, things will not just fall on your lap.
Rule #3: Establish Your Intention Early On
You have to be clear with your intention from the onset. The earlier you establish that you are attracted to her and that your intention is to date her, the easier it will be to make your move. A woman could be having a great conversation with you, but that doesn’t mean she is feeling any sort of emotional attraction to you. If you wait too long to flirt, this can backfire and you may fall into “nice guy” status. If she feels that you can’t make it happen or you’re just too inexperienced to make a move, she will lose attraction. Remember everyone loves a good conversation with fun banter. So don’t be afraid to flirt early on, making it explicitly clear that you are interested and attracted to her so that you can gauge her true interest in you.
Rule #4: Avoid Demonstrating that you are a “Good Boyfriend”
Too many of us make the mistake of showing a woman that you would be a “good boyfriend”. You start displaying these good boyfriend traits; like being overly generous, paying too much attention to her, being too available, bragging about your success or ambition, etc.. It is way too early for this and you will likely end up killing the attraction you hope to spark.
Women tend to go into “good girl” mode when this happens and then you are dangerously close to the friend zone. Instead, show her that you’re a fun, sexy, adventurous, mysterious guy that she just can’t figure out. You want to keep things light and flirtatious so she sees you as someone she can enjoy her time with.
Rule #5: Don’t Confess Your Feelings
Contrary to Hollywood rom-coms, confessing your love to a woman you’re not dating is never a good idea. Unless she is your girlfriend or wife, you should never unload your feelings onto her. From my experience, It just never works. What happens is it puts way too much pressure on her and forces her to make a decision in her mind right then. It also takes away from all the uncertainty and mystery, making it easy for her to walk away.
In the early stages of relationship, once a woman knows she “has” you, she might get bored and lose attraction. And if not, then another more mysterious, adventurous type might come along and steal her attention. It becomes no longer a challenge for her and attraction drops. You want her to always be trying to figure you out – keep her excited to uncover more about you.
Rule #6: Do Not Send Her Flowers or Gifts Yet
There might be mixed opinions on this one, but personally, I think it’s a terrible idea to send a woman flowers or gifts before she’s even agreed to go out with you or shown any attraction to you. Unless she is already dating you, your girlfriend, wife or mother, please do not send her flowers. Especially at work. From my experience this never works. Women will claim that they love this, and “it’s so sweet”, but don’t be fooled.
Of course, after you’ve gone on a few dates and established some connection, chemistry and maybe even some intimacy, then by all means, get her flowers & gifts. However, too early on, and this is the fast track to becoming the nice guy in her life. Right now, your goal is to be the guy she’s attracted to, not the nice guy who buys her things that she just wants to be friends with.
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This Post is republished on Medium.
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Photo credit: iStock
