How To Be Assertive With Friends Who Intimidate You

Ever found yourself in this scenario, you meet someone; who seems to have it together — the job, the spouse, the home, the luxury style, and unattached attitude about it all. For some reason, you automatically think less about yourself.

You wonder what you can offer such a person. How do you have a conversation with them without saying something stupid about their shoes or the photo they posted on Instagram last summer.

If you are a woman who is confident in herself and don’t take no for an answer. You will come off as intimidating to some men. I have heard guys say I’m unapproachable (whatever that means). I like to think I’m easy to get through.

However, I’m not obliterated by the fact that strong women get a lot of labels, and being called intimidating is one of them. But how do you approach an intimidating person without making it obvious that they are out of your league?

Have clearly defined values

Most of our insecurities about people are often due to the fact that we don’t know our values.

We have no belief in what we want to express, who we are or what we stand for, so we are ashamed of the people who do it.

To clarify your values, ask yourself a few questions when you are with an intimidating person, such as “How do I feel right now?” “What is most important to me in life?” “Why does this person make me uncomfortable?”

Asking this question allows you to step back and get a bit of perspective.

It helps you reflect on what you think, feel, need, and want in order to identify your source of insecurity.

Remember, you are not a lesser being.

Every living and breathing human being is worth something. There is significant importance you possess more than anyone else.

No matter how much status this other person has, they have physical and emotional needs just like you and everyone else, for that matter.

To remind yourself of this commonality, you can use the phrase, “They eat and breathe just like me.”

Your value is as admirable as the person with whom you are intimated by, and you deserve to have a voice in any conversation.

Watch your body language.

When talking to an intimidating person, try to stay physically grounded in your body, as this can also help you feel more mentally stable.

Stand with your feet hip-width apart or sit with your knees hip-width apart and with both feet on the floor.

Do not cross your legs or arms. Focus on the feeling that your feet literally put you on the ground. Focus on upright posture with a strong stomach and back.

Grounding yourself physically helps with confidence. You can emulate the bravest person you know in mind, then put a quiet smile on your face, stand up for your value, and hold yourself as every bit as worthy as anyone else.

Stay true to yourself, regardless of the situation.

Sometimes, when we are in the presence of an intimidating person, we try to fake our personality so that we can be accepted.

This is your biggest mistake!

Never pretend to be someone you are not to impress anyone. Falsehood is strangely transparent, especially when it tries to hide uncertainty.

Always look for authenticity. Be who you are, the best version of who you are.

Those who don’t accept that version of you aren’t meant to be in your life, no matter how special or admirable they seem.

There is so much beauty in humble self-love and acceptance. Find that place and you won’t feel the need to pretend to be someone you aren’t or cower in your insecurity.

Refute your fears about what you think about the person

Some of our fears are based on erroneous beliefs. If you question your beliefs or gain an outside perspective, your view of certain people can change.

For example, we often judge people as bad by their clothes or facial expression. But when we get to know these people, we realize that they are actually not as bad as we believe they are.

This is not to say that every ounce of fear or distrust you have towards some people is totally unwarranted.

But as you shift your perceptions, your thoughts and your beliefs around the intimidation, your emotional responses start to change and you experience a greater sense of control and power over how you see yourself.

—

This post was previously published on medium.com.

***