It’s been a year that I’ve been coaching women on authentic, ethical communication for career advancement. Typically, a client can discover new ways to grow their resilience with difficult conversations and meet their own needs of self-care. Each client learns the role of intention through communication whilst remaining completely authentic in their feminine expression.
One of the most common questions they ask is why they seem “to attract liars to their team or colleagues who love drama.” I explain it always comes back to the commitment to self. People often live a lie as they’re distracted from what they really want in life.
For example, I was caught in the trap of helping a work colleague. First, it was a relationship break up, then she was going to lose her child, her ex’s friend was being unkind towards her and each week the stories kept coming. Naturally, I had the misconception I could save her and welcomed the distraction from my own life. During this time I was in an unhappy situation and wasn’t sure what to do about it. Instead, I turned my focus on to helping others.
Let’s say my colleague’s name was Anne for the sake of this example. Anne and I caught up over lunch. She was in tears because her relationship was ending. I hardly knew her at this stage and it never occurred to me she may have mental health issues.
The following months were spent trying to keep her safe, mostly from herself. What is interesting is that she turned her hatred towards me, by making false allegations at work.
Anne truly believed that people were jealous and out to get her. When in fact they were trying to help. In these attention-seeking situations, it’s far better to remain silent. In the long run, everyone has realized the allegations are false. Anne’s cannot admit to her own mistakes but deflects them onto other people, continuing the cycle of self-destruction. Her communication is not authentic as she continually builds mistrust.
CHANGE YOU FIRST
When you spend time with people it can determine your happiness, health, and income. It also determines the level of success and contribution you have in the world. Through personal development, you can create change.
Motivational speaker Jim Rohn explains this best in the video below when he says:
“What you have at the moment, you’ve attracted by the person you’ve become. If you will change, everything will change for you.”
If you complain do something about it to change your circumstances. Speak authentically about your concerns or look within. When you become honest with yourself and take action, you can create a positive change in your life.
COMMITMENT TO SELF
Being committed to something means you will do what is required to attain it. It’s where you stop wondering and start doing. You stop being distracted and start learning and connecting to others that want the same things. You build a network of emotionally intelligent friends. Even failing is a blessing because you see the challenge to do something better. You begin to accomplish goals that reflect your values and gain a greater sense of self.
For example, if you are married, you will change what is necessary to ensure the marriage works. If you’re committed to your job, you learn what is needed to thrive in that career. You won’t begin to entertain the victim mentality. If you’re not willing to change then how can you commit to anything beyond what you currently have?
REFLECTION OF SELF
Life is a reflection of self. If you want to change your life, you have to begin with changing you first. When you learn, your brain creates new connections and reshapes. As you change over time, your brain rewires and will literally be a different brain than you have now.
Through self-development, I’ve made the conscious commitment to ensure that anyone who gossips, is self-destructive, unkind or negative about others has no room in my life. I don’t want to save them or change them. It doesn’t mean that if a friend is sad or upset they have to be positive either. We all know that being happy 100% of the time isn’t being realistic.
As I’ve become more aware I have attracted people with similar values into my life, which is a God send. Each person is amazing in various ways and I feel really blessed to know them. When we spend time together, we encourage each other, share similar interests and talk on an authentic level.
When you are committed to self-preservation you begin to communicate authentically. You also stop lying to yourself about what you want and attract the people you want in it. Being committed to self is ambitious. It’s where you can achieve the impossible.
Can you be honest with yourself to evolve? Or will you continue in the cycle of drama? As always all comments are most welcome.
This article originally appeared on The eWord
Photo credit: Getty Images