Being “The Man” in a relationship with a woman is difficult, especially if, like me, you have grown up with the idea that men and women are equal and that all decisions need to be taken in agreement or consensus between the two partners. However, this approach leads to the woman feeling like nobody’s in charge or, even worse to her, that she is. It will feel like her man doesn’t know how to make a decision by himself. For years I have worried about taking a leadership role — doesn’t that mean we’re not equal anymore? Am I being a male chauvinist pig if I do that?
A breakthrough in my mentality came with the concept of romance and relationships being a kind of “game”. What we do in relationships, dating and sex is NOT REAL. We’re just pretending. It’s like being in a movie, where we suspend disbelief for the duration of the movie show. Another analogy is a boxing match. The boxers are really fighting, feel real anger and are really hitting each other. However, everything’s OK because it’s inside the boxing ring. Step outside it, however, and hitting random dudes in the street is not allowed.
Guys need to understand that in the context of a romantic relationship with females, we’re playing a game. We can be as masculine and dominant as we want and don’t need to worry about rendering women unequal as a result because we’re just actors playing a role. When we play this role, we never forget that women are really equal. We just put that to one side for the duration of the “game”. Women automatically seem to understand this game and all its rules — goodness knows who told them — nobody told me!
The first thing is polarity. This is the dance between masculine and feminine. We start by introducing the idea that we are somehow better, cooler or greater than her but in a humorous way. One way is the push-pull technique, where we compliment her, then take away the compliment by somehow disqualifying her — “I really love tall, intelligent women — it’s a pity I’m not attracted to you”; “You’re studying agriculture? What colour tractor do you drive to college?”; “Well, that sounds great but I’m not sure I can trust your opinion because you like Justin Bieber”, etc. This creates attraction.
Then, at times when the two of you are more emotionally connected, you can act more masculine just by being and leading. Women, on the other hand, act feminine by having and choosing. So, while a woman talks about her possessions, the man just remains present and listens (“being”). He leads by deciding to do or not do things. Women respond by choosing “yes” or “no” to his leadership. So choose the restaurant, choose the wine, order her food, decide where to take her and what happens next. When she is with you, listen to her as she talks about her new dress or her friends at work or the rough day she just had. Remain silent and just “be” present.
Don’t let your attention wander off.
When you lead, this is dominance. A woman’s prerogative is to say “yes” or “no” to it. She may not always speak this. Especially in the bedroom, her body language will express either comfort or discomfort. Don’t complain or comment but just change to something else that works for both of you.
Move her body around any way you want. The more you act like a man, the more she feels like a woman. The more she feels like a woman, the
more she acts like one. When you see her acting like a woman, you will feel more like a man. When you feel like a man, you will act like one. This is polarity. The greater the difference between the two of you, the greater the attraction.
Desire can be increased by the use of dirty talk. Start by talking about how attractive you find her and what her body makes you want to do to her.
Then move it up a notch by telling her what you are going to do in the next 5–10 seconds, then do it. Ask her to tell you if it feels good. Predict that she is going to like the next thing you will do. Mention body parts and how well they are working, etc..
This will get her wandering mind to focus on the action that is going on and increase her arousal.
Finally, remember to romance her, both in the bedroom and outside it. Whisper sweet nothings in her ear. Take romantic walks in the park. Take her on surprise weekend trips away. Leave loving Post-It notes on the refrigerator. Most importantly, text her at work and tell her you can’t stop thinking about her and what will happen when you get home. By the time you get there, her imagination will have been working overtime all afternoon and she’ll be ready.
These are the main concepts toward being “The Man” in a relationship. Keep these four things “cooking” in your relationship and swirling around and you’ll have one, sweet, happy woman on your hands who will be delighted to do anything you want!
Originally published on Medium
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