In 1841 Ralph Waldo Emerson a United States Philosopher published his essay on Self-Reliance. Emerson’s writing has influenced many other stellar names, including Henry Thoreau and Walt Whitman. So what is self-reliance and why is Emerson’s essay so important to individual growth? According to a definition put forward via Merriam Webster; self-reliance is:
Reliance on one’s own efforts and abilities
In its purest sense, becoming self-reliant means trusting yourself, and not bending to the will of others. The western world is transfixed with the need to belong. How can you reinforce your beliefs, individuality, values, and sense of self? Being part of a tribe (your tribe) can foster connection, learning, and new opportunities. It allows you to engage with people who mirror your thoughts, opinions, and view of society.
That promotes and fosters your strengths, gifts, and talents. There is a need for balance in standing out (non-conformity) and allowing yourself to feel/be part of something that gives you belonging. So, let’s explore five simple steps that will help you.
1. Take total ownership of decisions.
Own your shit. We can sometimes make decisions that leave us in negative situations; finance, relationships, career, parenting, or lifestyle choices. We know we shouldn’t make them, but can’t help ourselves.
I can give you a whole list of times I made piss poor decisions and reaped the fallout. This requires introspection and soul searching. Mostly it manifests into resentment and anger with yourself. However, accepting responsibility for your decisions builds Self-Reliance Think of a car mechanic without their tools. How can they help anyone?
When something goes wrong be the first one to fix it. I’m not advocating you shouldn’t ask for help if you need it. Sometimes you need to reach out. What I am proposing is sorting out any difficulties you created as your first action. Place the correct tools in your utility belt. Acceptance and responsibility are real superpowers.
Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could. Some blunders and absurdities no doubt crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day. You shall begin it serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense.
― Ralph Waldo Emerson
2. Become an independent thinker.
Emerson believed that we mimic society, and conform to its many cultural and societal norms. We are too often swayed by the masses. Our views, opinions, and experiences become lost in the herd. We cannot express our individualism, due to fear, embarrassment, or backlash. Hands up if you want to be accepted. To be part of a tribe. Belong to a group. We all do. No dispute on those statements. However, in conforming to these norms can you:
- Think autonomously?
- Be a voice that matters?
- Lead others with a cause?
- Stand out above the crowd?
- Take control of your life?
We hear the words “Be Authentic” every day. Can you truly be authentic when society is pressing against you at every opportunity? I consider myself forthright on views and opinions. I cannot speak them at every opportunity depending on the situation I find myself in.
Our personas can be different depending on the present situation. What’s your phone voice? Who, do you want to impress? Why do you want to impress them? We all do it. Is that authentic? Not in the slightest could you twist that as being anything other than total bullshit. Reconcile those thoughts with yourself, learn, and move forward. Remember everyone does it. Choose what type of voice you want to have. Meaning is everything. Imitation is a cheap parlor trick.
To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.
― Ralph Waldo Emerson
3. Don’t compare yourself.
Everything starts with I. Self-acceptance means being happy in your skin, knowing yourself, showing courage, embracing your strengths, accepting your weakness, and not relying on the opinions of others to feel happy. It does not mean talking shit about yourself, negative self-talk, and listening to how others view you at every opportunity.
Social media platforms can become a death knell for building self-worth, self-esteem, and self-confidence. Your fulfillment should not be measured by likes, shares, and comments. Searching for approval online is how poor mental health develops. Understand your worth, values, beliefs, and uniqueness. Let others decide if that fits with a person they want to spend time with.
The only person who can permit you to judge yourself; is you. Years of conditioning have made you who you are today. Why would you change that if you know it goes against everything you believe, trust, and value? Don’t let others grind your gears. Be the best version of yourself. That’s all that matters.
4. Set your path.
There are far too many people living within the existence bubble. Living for the weekend, after dragging yourself through Monday-Friday in a dazed induced state. (Rinse and repeat). Do you know the feeling?
Do you believe you were meant for something else? How will you strive towards that goal if you’re drifting through the weeks? Making change is difficult. However, very important if you wish to alter your direction. Not for anyone else, who may be smirking, belittles, or questions your goals.
What are they doing with their life? If there excelling you can take some tips and advice. However, if their motivation in life is to find ways to bring down others for their enjoyment. You know what to do with those types of people. Avoid or cut ties immediately. They will find a problem in every solution.
This is all on you. Do you have the passion, perseverance, commitment, drive, focus, and attitude to change behaviors and break habits? Can you practice, learn, and develop new skills? Do you have the patience, commitment, and determination to see this through? These are all questions you need to answer. What’s the alternative? You continue to do what you’ve always done. Not the road to accomplishment you hoped for.
Do not go where the path may lead, go instead where there is no path and leave a trail.
― Ralph Waldo Emerson
5. Protect your well-being.
Maintenance of a healthy mind and body is essential as you transition through life. There are so many areas of your life that demand effort. Even household chores. We can’t beat the clock, but we can make our enjoyment, happiness, and experiences of life the most liberating they can be. Giving yourself the optimum opportunity to do that is inextricably linked to your wellbeing.
Do you struggle to play soccer with your kids in your 30s-40s as you’re out of breath? What is that telling you about your general fitness? Unless a diagnosed health condition you can rectify that by exercising more regularly. You must give yourself proper time for self-care. How will you give your best, add value, and assist others living below your full capacity? These are some of the exercises, tools, and techniques I use;
- Walking daily
- Assisting others
- Journaling Mindfulness
- Positive music
I could have compiled a list of 20 other things. You need to find what benefits you. As someone who worked in the fitness industry for 7 years, I’m a big proponent of exercise to protect both physical-mental well-being. Those endorphins just make you feel more assured, happy, and focused on what lies ahead.
Make a list of 5-6 things you could introduce today to protect your wellbeing. Take action on them tomorrow.
The purpose of life is not to be happy. It is to be useful, to be honorable, to be compassionate, to have it make some difference that you have lived and lived well.
― Ralph Waldo Emerson
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