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Transcript provided by YouTube. Slightly edited with AI.
The reason why so many of our goals don’t work, our plans get disrupted, and our resolutions don’t happen is because the “new year, new me” thing is a lie. It’s not “new year, new us”; it’s “new year, old us.”
Free Masterclass
What’s up, everybody! Welcome back to the Love Life podcast. Before we get into today’s episode, I want to ask: Are you someone who is seeing someone and struggling to get to the level of commitment you want with them? Maybe you don’t know how to have the conversation. Perhaps you’ve brought it up, and it didn’t go well, or they just never mention it.
Well, I have something for you today! My biggest ever live event, called **Casual to Committed**, which talks all about this subject, is available again. You can attend this masterclass for free right now; you don’t have to wait! Just go to GetCCommitment.com, and you can join the next session and watch it immediately.
In this session, I discuss the biggest reason people struggle to reach commitment and how you can avoid it. I talk about something called the **progression bias** and how you can use it to be taken seriously in dating without coming on too strong. I share a quick and easy way to see if someone is willing to commit or if they’re just wasting your time. You will learn the secret to breaking out of dating limbo and creating true momentum in your relationship without playing games in any commitment conversations.
Check it out—it’s a really powerful program, it’s free, and you can watch it now at GetCCommitment.com!
New Year, New You?
I think you’re really going to enjoy today’s episode of the Love Life podcast if you’re someone who has been struggling to change. If you’ve been beating yourself up, thinking you’ll never get over this or be able to change this about yourself, or if you feel like you’ll never be able to stop having these emotions that plague your life—if you’ve made resolutions this year but feel like it’s all in vain because you’re stuck in the same patterns—I want you to watch this episode. I promise it will leave you in a much better place than where you started.
Welcome
It’s my first time going live! We’re streaming everywhere: YouTube, Facebook, Instagram, and TikTok. If you’re here on YouTube or watching this later, hello! Welcome to 2025—although a bit late, I suppose.
For the first week and a half of the year, my wife Audrey and I took our moms to Hawaii for a vacation. It was a dream of theirs, and we wanted to fulfill that wish and create a memory. Life is short, and we wanted to make it happen.
Booking trips like that is rarely ever convenient, but we did it, and it was amazing. We are so happy we made that choice. Now, we’re back in LA after that trip and came back to some strange and sad circumstances here with the wildfires. Through all of that, we decided that this New Year hasn’t truly started yet—it starts this week!
So, I consider this my first week of the year, even if it’s technically the third week. I’m excited to be with you all today! If you have time to sit with me for the next 30 minutes or so, let’s talk and see if we can finish in a better place than where we started.
Acknowledging the Struggles
If you’re feeling anxious or stressed right now, or if you’re putting a lot of pressure on yourself, or maybe you’ve let yourself down with certain promises at the beginning of the year—it’s time for a reality check. If old patterns are reasserting themselves, that can be depressing. You wanted this to be a new year and a new you, and it just feels like it isn’t landing the way you hoped.
Let’s enjoy being together and see if we can make some progress today. I want to say hello to some of you I see online! Hello, Mark! I appreciate you being here. Your relationship advice is next level. Jay—I always feel better after watching your videos.
Hi, Monica from YouTube, and Lucy in London. Luke, good to see you over in Italy! And Rine on TikTok asks: Is this AI or is this really him? I can assure you, this is me!
The Reality of Change
There’s a lot of rhetoric at the beginning of the year about “New Year, New You.” It’s a positive message, but it sets us up for immediate failure because there really is no such thing as “New Year, New You.” We step into a new year, making plans about what we want to happen, but the reality is that our old wiring comes with us into the new year.
While we might take out our journals and scribble down our top 10 goals for the year, our old wiring dictates our behaviors, responses, and emotions more than any goal setting can. That’s why we often feel the awful frustration of “no matter what I do, nothing ever changes.”
If you relate to this, just say “yes” in the comments or “retreat” if you’re on Instagram or Facebook. I’m going to send you a link to something later. Also, if you haven’t gotten your ticket yet for my event happening this October, please go to MHRetreat.com.
Change is Hard
This is a common feeling. I’ve felt it many times: “This is never going to change for me.” The first thing we have to recognize is that change is hard. Everyone finds change hard. We often get frustrated with family members who don’t change. The holiday season can be infuriating for many as we gather with family and are reminded of their unchanging behaviors.
In any family system, very few people proactively change in ways that lead to improvement. Life will change us, but positive change isn’t automatic; it’s difficult. Yet, change is possible.
To change, we have to decide to be the pioneer of our life—a pioneer of our family. Trauma gets passed down from generation to generation. If you had parents that stressed constantly, your body may be wired to react that way.
Deciding to Be the Pioneer
This is what we learned, and we can’t expect anything different if we were raised in that environment. Change requires someone to carry the torch, and anyone can be that pioneer.
If you are in pain now, feeling stuck and you’ve had enough—that’s powerful! When you feel “enough is enough,” you can initiate change. Necessity becomes the mother of our reinvention: when change becomes necessary, we do something about it.
How many of you are honestly holding yourself back in love because you’re afraid of rejection or getting hurt? Are you ready to say, “I won’t be the person who runs out the clock on my life because of fear”?
Creating New Wiring
Many of our goals don’t work because this “new year, new me” notion is a lie. It’s not new year, new us; it’s new year, same old wiring. If we don’t create new wiring to go with our goals, we will replay the same story we’ve lived our whole lives.
Changing that wiring isn’t easy, but it is possible for anyone. We must decide to be the pioneer of our lives and our families. We often search for closure from people who may never give it to us because they won’t change. The ultimate peace comes from making changes for ourselves.
Yes, change is hard, but it’s possible for those brave enough to lead. If you’re still watching this, you’re likely someone who resonates with the idea of being a pioneer in your own life.
Get Curious About Possibilities
To change, we need to get curious about different possibilities. We don’t need to believe in huge changes right now. We just have to acknowledge that how we live isn’t the only way to live.
I struggled with trust for a long time. I didn’t realize how much I didn’t trust other people until it impacted my life negatively. The opportunities we don’t even know we’re missing can be far greater than the ones we’re aware of.
To start changing, we must recognize that it’s necessary and decide to pioneer our own lives. We can explore who can model different behaviors for us.
Creating Reference Points
When we adopted a new mindset, we became open to new opportunities. We took our moms to Hawaii for a dream trip. When we suggested a hike they thought they couldn’t do, we encouraged them, and afterward, they both were grateful for what they had accomplished.
Creating a reference point is essential for change. Write that down: **reference point**. It’s what we use to hang a new belief on. You may think you can’t do many things because you haven’t seen what you’re capable of. This year, let’s create those reference points together.
Join the Retreat
For those of you who resonate with being a pioneer in your life, I’m hosting an event in October: a weekend retreat in Miami on the 18th and 19th. It’s going to be a transformative experience, and I hope you can be a part of it.
This retreat will be an opportunity to heal from the past and create core confidence. I’ve been working on a framework for 17 years that I’ll share during our time together. Spots are limited, and we have early bird tickets available.
Sign up at MHRetreat.com. By putting this on your calendar now, you’re prioritizing your growth and inviting change into your life.
Let’s start this journey together, making it more than just a dream. I’m excited to see each of you there, ready to create change.
Conclusion
Thank you all for joining me today and for your engagement. Let’s not forget to leave comments about what this has meant to you. If you’re considering the retreat, grab your tickets now while the early bird prices last.
I’m wishing you love, peace, and happiness wherever you are in the world today. I’ll see you next time!
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This post was previously published on YouTube.
Blog → https://www.howtogettheguy.com/blog/ Facebook → https://facebook.com/CoachMatthewHussey Instagram → https://www.instagram.com/thematthewh… Twitter → https://twitter.com/matthewhussey ▼ Connect with Stephen ▼ Youtube → https://bit.ly/StephenHusseyYoutube Instagram → http://bit.ly/StephenHusseyIG
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