How to Co-Work With Your Partner Without Going Crazy

We live in a 2-bed apartment with Bali, our dog, and we haven’t killed each other, quite the opposite, we’ve become better partners.

I’ve been fully remote for 2 years and my partner Jay got hired by a remote-first company a few months ago. So, it’s been challenging how to decipher the right combination, so everybody can be happy and achieve the main goal: not go crazy.

Working from home as a couple doesn’t need to be so daunting, after all, you’ve probably worked with people that you don’t like at all, yet you had to spend 8hrs+ with them (pre-pandemic times) so take advantage of working next to someone you like and take an adventurous approach to it.

So, I’ll share a few tips that have been pivotal for us to still manage to say “hey, I missed you today” even though we’ve spent all day almost literally next to each other.

1. Keep in mind when each partner has to “be at work”

We work in different time zones. So he needs to be up by 6:00 am local time and I don’t need to be online until 10:00 am (I know, I’m spoiled) So having to start your day so early, and yet being mindful not to make noise if your partner is still sleeping in, wasn’t ideal. We decided to wake up at the same time, do morning chores like the bed, the coffee, taking out Bali together, and then I use my “spare time” to work out outside while he tackles his morning calls.

It gives us both a breather to do our own things.

2. Communicate your agenda or have a shared calendar.

Sometimes I do a lot of live webinars for large audiences, and I can’t have any noise or distractions. If he knows this a night before, he is usually extra mindful of taking care of things like the dog or the Amazon delivery, and vice versa.

We touch base regularly on our agenda to understand if there’s something big happening, and it makes it easier to carry on with our day without disturbing each other.

3. Always assume that the cameras are on.

We have become extra careful when crossing in front of each other’s screens. Maybe the camera is on, maybe it isn’t. While I figure it out, the audience on the other side might have already seen me in my working-out outfit or in my jammies still. Why risk it? I always assume the camera is on, and that saves everybody an extra concern, and it also shows respect for the other’s workspace.

4. Define the “lunch break” hours.

He works in the PST time zone and I work in EST, so it’s difficult to establish a lunch hour that works for both of us. We agreed that our meal together was going to be dinner, so we don’t have to worry about lunch hours. However, one thing we settled on is that the first one to get lunch should make an extra for whenever the other one is hungry. It typically works because it just requires pulling out stuff from the fridge or making an extra sandwich or a big bowl of salad.

It’s a nice gesture and very much appreciated.

5. When laptops are closed down, so is the work-related conversation.

We hear each other talk about work every day, we see each other’s screen monitors throughout the day, and we listen to Zoom calls, so we know what are we each working on. Whenever we both are finished with the workday, it’s time to do and talk about different things.

That’s just our rule, and it works.

6. Be mindful of sounds, and provide constructive feedback.

I talk insanely loud on my Zoom calls, and sometimes I get tired of the headphones, so I have the calls on the regular computer speaker at a moderate volume.

I never realized this bothered Jay until he pointed it out. Now every time I have a meeting that I need to do most of the talking, I take it to the living room, or he leaves me the room. Typically, he has a bigger setup for the type of job he does with multiple screens and a bunch of things connected, so it’s easier for me to move with my laptop.

The same goes for kitchen sounds. We agreed that no blender, food processor, or anything noisy during work hours, so if I want my smoothie and slept in. Too bad for me, rules are rules.

7. Coordinate dog care.

Most of the time Bali is super well-behaved, I take her to the park during my morning exercise routine and that does it for her, I give her breakfast and play with her while I get ready.

In exchange, Jay is in charge of her demands throughout the day so potty breaks, water, and attention are on him unless there’s an exception like a big deadline or project, I happily take over. And the same goes the other way around, whenever I cannot take her, he goes for a walk at lunch hour with her, and I’ll take her to the park when I’m done with my workday.

8. Choose one day, each, to go out.

For me, this is the most important one and the key to success. We love hanging out together, but we definitely need space, especially living in such a tiny apartment. So we came up with this rule that once a week, one of us needs to go work elsewhere. Typically, Fridays are much more relaxed and meetings are kept to a minimum, so we take turns to get out of the house at the end of the week.

He found a really nice café close to home that he enjoys going to, and I pay for a day pass at the nearest we work. It gives us time apart to do our own things, and I love that when I’m the one that stays in the house, I have it all to myself. I work with the music that I like at the volume I like it, I can take a break and cook something or simply have a moment to myself meditating or doing yoga in the middle of the day.

And for the one that goes out, it’s a nice change of scenery and typically picks something for dinner on the way back home.

At the end of the day, we have lots to catch up with, and we wrap up the week with a nice date night.

There are no set rules to co-work and co-live with somebody, but it doesn’t need to be a nightmare. Communication and consideration are the main keys to success, and enjoy this time, rather than suffer from it.

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This post was previously published on MEDIUM.COM.

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