How to Date as a Single Parent

Ask Wendy: Dating, Sex & Relationship Advice for the Bold

Hey Wendy,

I’m a single mom with a fourteen-year-old daughter. I recently started dating an amazing guy. We see each other once or twice a week, and every other weekend when my daughter is with her dad.

I feel like my daughter’s radar goes off any time I plan something with him. I get texts requesting mother-daughter time; shopping and other things. When I say I have plans, she gets sad. I feel guilty, and I don’t know how to make everyone happy in this situation. Help!

Jennifer J.

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Hey Jennifer,

I’m one of those women who purposely chose to not have children. That said, I do know what it’s like to be asked for things from people I care about when I’ve got plans with someone else. It’s uncomfortable. You might feel guilty. And, it’s important for you, for her, hell, for all of us, that you hold your boundary and personal space by keeping your plans.

You say you’re away from her to be with him one or two times a week, that is completely reasonable. Isn’t she away from you for at least that amount of time to be with her friends or at school events?

Modeling boundaries for this soon-to-be-grown-up person is part of your job, mom. She needs to learn the valuable lesson that people — yep, even moms — are entitled to have their own private life, friends, experiences, and time away from their kids and families.

Changing your plans to be there for her at every text trains her to think:

One text and the people in my life should drop everything for me
If I act sad, I’ll get my way
If I push I can turn my people into doormats — winning!

There are already plenty of those people roaming the planet; let’s not create another one. Boundaries and training her that she’s important, but not the center of the universe helps kill entitlement. Now’s the time for her to learn she’s totally loved — and she’s not entitled to everyone else’s time all the time. For the sake of all of us, teach her healthy boundaries now. We’ll all reap the benefits.

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Happy dating!

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Wendy Newman is the author of 121 First Dates. She’s a dating, sex, and relationship expert who’s led hundreds of workshops and revolutionized the lives of over 78,000+ women internationally.

If you’re a single woman wondering where to meet your love IRL now that this shitshow of a pandemic is wrapping up, grab this free audio gift from Wendy.

You can send a question to the column via email: [email protected]

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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