I’m not telling you to become a psychopath. I’m not even suggesting you fake it all the way. But let’s be real, some of the most magnetic, irresistible, and wildly successful people in dating? They play the game like pros. And guess what? A few of those game winning traits come straight from the psychopath playbook.
This isn’t about manipulation, lying, or destroying lives. (Although, the myth of Psychopathy has long been debunked) It’s about borrowing the psychological tools (charisma, confidence, focus, emotional detachment) that just happen to make psychopaths so good at pulling people in… and flipping them into something that actually works in a healthy relationship.
So if you’ve ever wondered why the emotionally unavailable person had you hooked or why you’re the one overthinking while they’re out here winning, then this is for you.
Here’s how to use red flag energy the right way.
1. The Art of Deceptive Charisma
What separates psychopaths from the rest of us is their ability to charm anyone at will. Though it’s superficial and doesn’t last long, their influence is clear when you first meet them.
They pull this off because they’re social chameleons. Psychopaths develop the ability to understand what makes the average person tick by constantly dissecting social interactions, mimicking behavior, and creating a feedback loop.
The problem with charisma and charm in Psychopaths is the hidden agenda, but you can take advantage of that and use it to develop desirable attributes without the emotional damage to your partner (hopefully.)
One way to be more charismatic is to be in the moment. A lot of people when they are in a new date, are in their heads. You think about what to say next, if you can say it or not, if you look your best and if you are gonna get a second date.
The problem is, that pulls you out of the moment. You stop really listening. You miss cues and details that could actually bring you closer. Maybe your date’s wearing a necklace with a symbol that has meaning to them. That could open up a whole memory or a cherished time in their life.
When we have things in common with our partner, actually SEE them and notice those little details, we earn points instantly and come across as more likable.
2. Soulmates: Too Perfect to Be Real? That’s the Point
Psychopaths are masters at figuring out people around them. They will listen to every word you say, how you say it, your body language, and the hidden meanings behind them. They will learn about your ambitions, wants, needs, and goals. That’s not because they actually care, but to use it against you.
But when you have someone who seems to be so compatible with you, attentive to your goals, and needs (in a healthy way), something clicks. You feel this person is your soulmate because it’s like you both understand the world in a similar way.
I am not saying to fake your goals or needs for someone else, but rather, find a common ground even when you don’t share the same values.
So listen to your partner or a date and share their enthusiasm. If they tell you that they are a hardcore vegan, while you can’t go a day without your chicken nuggets, it doesn’t mean you don’t click or that your values are not the same.
You can always frame it in a way that they are environment-conscious, take a step back to look at how their actions affect everything around them, selfless, attentive to others’ needs, and empathetic. Now you have things in common, right? And when you are being vocal about that, then you hit the jackpot.
3. Psychosexual (Minus the disorder)
I’m not going into performance specifics, but a big part of the game is mental.
Psychopaths have sexual magnetism because they aren’t held back by social hang-ups around sex. They’re confident. For them, sex is just an enjoyable act , not an emotional bond. Almost mechanical.
But here’s the twist, they seem emotionally in sync because they pay attention. They “listen” in the bedroom. They respond. They’re present. They pick up on what works for you.
If you’re in your head during sex, overthinking, you’re being mechanical in a different way and that’s never sexy.
So get out of your head. Relax. Enjoy the ride.
4. Love Bomb: Emotional Fireworks Without the Fallout
The reason why love bombing is a trigger or has negative connotations is because it was/is used for malicious reasons and personal gains with no regard to others. But if you looked closely at what love bombing is, you will see that it is actually a positive thing if you use it correctly.
The term love bombing was coined in the 1970s to describe a technique used by cult members to lure in recruits. Today, it is often used to describe a manipulative dating technique used by people who tend to be controlling or abusive and considered a red flag.
Love bombing is exactly what it means: you “bomb” the other person with affection, care, gifts, and constant communication. It’s called a bomb because it’s so sudden, comes in bursts over a period of time, and it affects your surroundings and your perception.
So in order to reap the benefits of love bombing, you have to show your partner that you actually care, mean it, and show it. It’s not about showering them every day with texts or calling them up or sending flowers.
You have to find the correct “crack”, fill it up, and make it whole.
As social beings, we send communication signals every single second, not just verbally, but with our gestures, body language, and facial expressions. So if you think about it, that is literally a goldmine to show your partner that they are desirable and to “love bomb” them.
Say they sent you a trendy reel on Instagram, like those viral Dubai chocolate bars or a recipe. A lot of people, when they share reels or memes, take it in superficially, react to it, and move on.
You can use that opportunity to get your partner that chocolate bar, or if you are a kitchen wizard, you can prepare it yourself. Or take them out on a tour around the town and discover the best or (worst) Dubai chocolate bar. It will be so unexpected, but it registers in their mind that you are an attentive person.
5. Intense Eye Contact AKA “The Predatory Stare”
When was the last time you met someone who was squinting every second or looking everywhere but at you that you found attractive? They say that eyes are the window to our souls. Psychopaths know how to use that to their advantage. When you look at the person you are speaking with in the eyes, you are communicating to them that you are paying attention, listening to them, think what they are saying is very important, and that no matter what else is going on around you, it doesn’t matter — only them.
You don’t have to enter a staring competition, rather do it sparingly. We draw our attention to where we look often. So if you make a conscious effort to engage with your eyes and look at others’ eyes, you will trigger a positive primal response in your partner.
6. Fast-Track Connection
Relationships or dates with psychopaths are intense. Ever gone on a date, had a meal, saw a movie, grabbed a drink, explored a new part of town, got more snacks, then went home together to binge-watch Netflix and even though it was just 4–6 hours, it felt like you’ve known this person forever?
That’s how psychopaths hijack your brain. Memories aren’t time-bound. They don’t follow a strict timeline. It’s just data bundled together. The more memories you create with someone, the more it feels like you’ve known them for a long time.
To create that same kind of connection with your date and “hook them,” don’t be a tree. Move. Just because you agreed on a movie night or dinner doesn’t mean that’s all it has to be. Don’t just sit around hoping something will happen. Make it happen.
You need to create memories rapidly. Just keep them authentic and genuine. If you’re meeting for dinner, plan time to take a walk after. Try a different spot for dessert or drinks. Grab a snack from a street vendor. Hit a park. Whatever it is, do more, together.
7. Mysticism Aura
What draws people in at first is the feeling that there’s more to discover. That’s the hook. They give you a glimpse, then pull back. A lot of people do this naturally, without bad intentions. But if you can do it intentionally, it makes you more attractive.
There are plenty of ways to come off as mysterious. That doesn’t mean you lie or hide parts of your life. It just means you give your partner the sense that they don’t fully know you and every day, they learn something new.
That happens when you work on yourself. Stay curious. Stay aware. Learn. Pay attention to what’s going on around you. Don’t just focus on you. Be outward-facing, not inward-stuck.
The Takeaway
Most people fail at relationships, or can’t get past a second date, because they’re stuck in their own heads. We’re too focused on our wants, needs, and desires. But when someone shows up who actually listens, sees us, and tries to connect with who we are underneath it all? we’re drawn to that.
So be that person. Be the one who pulls people out of their heads.
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Previously Published on Medium
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