Have you ever felt that someone you were dating was playing mind games? Here’s how to deal with the crazy…
Dating can be fun, but it can also be crazy making, especially if you’re dating someone who’s playing with your head. I received this email from a woman who wanted to know, how do you deal with mind games in dating? While the advice is for a woman, it applies to anyone who’s ever felt like the person they were dating was making them lose their mind.
I recently dumped a guy I’d been dating for two months, as it seemed he was playing mind games with me, He only wanted to see me when it was convenient for him. I met him online and specifically noted in my profile I was not interested in any game playing. I made it clear I was looking for a long-term monogamous relationship.
We would have a great date one night, and the next night he would act very cold. In person, he’d say things like, “I really like you a lot”, “I enjoy your company, we have fun together”, and “You’re really easy to talk to”.
He told me how “hot” I made him. Then I wouldn’t hear from him for four or five days. Most of the time in between, I was reaching out to him via text or phone.
I got tired of the hot and cold behavior, and I texted him (as he never seemed to want to call me or really spend any time with me). I wrote,”I’m getting the hint, and I won’t be bothering you anymore.”
He was surprised, and texted back that he didn’t realize he was dropping any hints or clues.
My thought is to ignore him if he does ask me out again. Why do men play mind games like he did?
This guy liked you when he was with you, but when you were out of sight, you were not on his mind. He was casual about dating, and he was casual about your feelings. Let’s analyze what took place so you can avoid mind games like this in the future.
4 Tips for Avoiding Mind Games in Dating
1. If you want a serious relationship and he doesn’t, don’t date him.
By the way, it doesn’t matter what you write in your online profile. Many people will ignore what you say you want. And this guy wanted what he wanted (booty call), not what you wanted (serious relationship). That’s clue number one that this is not the right relationship for you.
2. If you feel hot and sexy when you’re together, but feel like crap when you’re apart, walk away.
When he was out of touch for a length of time, you became increasingly anxious, and you began to question his feelings for you.
That’s not a healthy relationship. The right person will make you feel good when you’re together AND apart. You won’t have to guess.
3. Look for someone who keeps moving the relationship forward.
A person who’s interested will make his intentions clear. He will escalate the relationship, from first email to first phone call, from first date to dating regularly, to calling often between dates, to becoming exclusive. No guessing.
If things are not escalating, it’s either because you’re mismatched, or you are not on the same page in terms of what you both want in a relationship.
4. Watch someone’s actions, because actions speak louder than words.
Yes, it’s an old cliché, but it’s true. He flattered you when he was with you, but disappeared between dates. Find a man who’s consistent in his actions and words, someone who follows through.
Let him go and find a man who treats you well, someone who wants a girlfriend, who will honor and cherish you as you will respect him.
And remember this:
In a good relationship, you will feel good when you’re together AND ESPECIALLY WHEN YOU’RE APART.
Heal from your past relationship patterns if you want a healthy, lasting, loving relationship. And in the future, if you’re anxious and insecure about how someone feels about you between dates, honor those gut feelings. Value yourself and your dignity first.
When you’re in the right relationship, there will be no mind games. You won’t have to guess. You will know by the big smile on both of your faces when you’re together AND apart.
Have you ever felt that someone was playing mind games when you were dating? Please share your experience in the comments below.
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