Our brains are wired to seek pleasure. But pleasure holds nothing good for us.
It’s one of life’s biggest ironies.
It’s like the world is conspiring against us by displaying everywhere the stuff our brain craves: Sugary food, steamy ads, luxury, captivating TV shows, p*rn, and likes on social media…
We become like a mouse running around thousands of yummy cheeses connected to invisible traps.
We make 35,000 decisions a day. How we make those decisions defines our lives.
Of course, we all fall for some of the traps from time to time. I’m not here to judge.
If we want to achieve a goal we have to avoid as many of these traps as possible.
Understanding that there is no point in pursuing instant gratification takes the tentacles of temptation away.
So the core question we will answer is:
How can I do much more of what I should but don’t feel like doing without suffering or fear of missing out?
The following explanation and tips made it much easier for me.
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Understanding the Impact of 1 Decision
To understand the compounding effect of thousands of decisions we have to look at the mechanics of a single decision.
What are instant and delayed gratification?
- Instant gratification: We get the benefit directly after an activity. Our dopamine goes up and we experience excitement. The long-term cons always outweigh the pros. For example, scrolling or posting on social media, eating sugary food, binge-watching Netflix…
- Delayed gratification: We get the benefit of the activity much later. It feels uncomfortable. The long-term pros outweigh the cons. For example: learning a new skill, exercising, or getting some work done.
Let’s assume a situation where we must decide between doing more work or checking our Instagram.
If we follow our urges and scroll through social media we experience instant gratification. We feel good in the moment.
But after a while, our excitement goes back down. As the feel-good hormone cocktail in our brain is depleted our happiness goes below baseline. We feel worse than before.
On the other hand, if we work we experience less excitement in the moment. But after a while, our feeling goes back up again to baseline.
Having the work done gives us a feeling of achievement and brings us closer to our goal. Hence our baseline goes up as shown by the green line.
Time has a wonderful way of showing us what really matters. — Margaret Peters
With the Marshmellow experiment, they have shown that the ability to delay gratification is directly linked to achieving more.
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The Compounding Effect of All of Our Daily Decisions
Now let’s add this effect 35,000 times.
This is what most lives look like:
35,000 decisions a day most of which are not aligned around central values and goals.
This on the other hand is what a hypothetical, perfect life would look like. 35,000 decisions aligned around the same values and goals.
Do you notice something?
Let me explain.
Pursuing instant gratification in one area of your life will affect all other aspects of your life. The mechanism in the brain stays the same. Dopamine doesn’t differentiate between different contexts.
The same is true for delayed gratification. When you train yourself to do hard things in one area of your life it will positively affect the others.
You are training your willpower muscle.
This leads to a 2nd, 3rd, and 4th order of consequence and hence a Domino effect.
We can visualize the extreme cases graphically.
The red line displays the trend of our life’s quality if we almost only engage in instant gratification activities. These actions over time will leave us more and more depleted causing problems in all areas of life.
The green line on the other hand shows how pursuing delayed gratification compounds over time and reinforces positive effects in other areas, too. It improves our lives overall.
Of course, those are the extreme examples. We all are somewhere between those lines.
The point is, each of our decisions has an impact and we should be aware of that.
For example, you decide to work out. You feel healthier, and fitter. You are a better partner, friend, and colleague to be around. So those areas also benefit which in turn will positively affect other areas again.
And then, there is the universe and quantum energy that runs everything.
Negative thoughts, bad activities, and destructive habits change your energetic field and you will attract more bad in your life.
When you do good for your community you create positive feedback loops. Now you help others improve their happiness graphs. This will inspire and affect other areas of their lives and eventually circle back to you.
Let’s put it all together:
We make 35,000 decisions a day, all impacting our happiness in the short- and long term.
The more we engage in thoughts and activities that align with what we want in life, the better our life gets. It’s as simple as that.
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How to Enjoy Delayed Gratification Activities
The key to enjoying unpleasant activities is Awareness.
It’s about being fully present in the moment. It’s about letting everything else go. That’s all it is.
For example, when you go to the gym focus on the feeling in your body, your muscles contracting, your body moving. How does it feel?
Don’t think about the number of reps, what to eat later, or how much weight you lifted last time.
Instead, give your undivided attention to the present moment. The movement, the feeling, the signals in your body. Be curious and accept all of it.
When you focus on the moment you experience more than when you search for it outside.
You don’t need discipline. You just have to become aware and let go of everything in the present moment.
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The Takeaway
In summary, this is how you can use this knowledge to navigate the omnipresent temptation and do more of the things that benefit your life.
- Become aware of your decision to engage in a certain activity and mentally call it out for example: Aha, I’m grabbing my phone again!
- Understand the consequences of each action and acknowledge that instant gratification is only a short-term goody — It’s harmful to long-term fulfillment
- Consciously decide what action to take for example putting the phone away and going for a run instead
- Make a plan for which delayed gratification activities you want to get into this week, month, and year and why
- Engage in those activities wholeheartedly and be present
- Remain aware, enjoy the process, and don’t think too much about it
- Mindfully enjoy a piece of cake now and then
Finally, when people ask you, ‘Don’t you ever have fun or enjoy anything?’ say, ‘I enjoy life’.
What are you going to do next?
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Learn how to use the power of the breath for health, energy, and mental clarity.
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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From The Good Men Project on Medium
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