How to Find Happiness in Being Single

Ask Wendy: Dating, Sex & Relationship Advice for the Bold

Hey Wendy,

I’m having a difficult time finding happiness in being single. I was never a casual sex type of person. I’ve tried it but I feel like I’ve already had enough of those experiences and I’d like to find someone to try to build something long-term.

This burning wish of wanting to find someone to settle down with is really bothering me and I sometimes feel very frustrated and depressed because life just feels blander because I’m alone. You were single for a decade, and you seemed happy. How did you do it? Help!

Stephanie E.

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Hey Stephanie,

I can’t tell you how to be happy. Not to sound cliche, but what they say is true — happiness is an inside job.

Here’s how I did it, and maybe you could try out what worked for me:

Cultivate a deep and meaningful relationship — with a girlfriend. Yes, that’s right, a friend. One of the things that make us lonely as single people is we don’t have anyone to witness our life day in and day out — so change this.

Get a girlfriend who’s single and wants the same thing (or close) that you do. You two can support each other, check in on each other, and create a structure to witness your lives together.

Find a nice, single woman who’s fun, compassionate, loving, and can listen to you tell her about all the highs and lows of your life. You should be ready to be that for her, too.

Once you’ve found one, find two or three more. You do that, and you will not be lonely. You’ll be one of those happy people who happens to be single.

Next? How do you feel about dogs? I’m not sure I would have been happy without my constant, loving companion. If dogs aren’t your cup of tea, try a cat or a pet pot-bellied pig, they’re pretty terrific. I beg of you to not cage a bird though, that’s just weird. (Sorry/not sorry for the personal judgment there.)

Do things on your own that make you happy:

Get a massage
Buy yourself flowers
Nature hikes

You get the picture.

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Having these things in place doesn’t mean you don’t want a relationship; it means you can create happiness and meaning in your life regardless of your circumstances.

And hey, do you know who makes for a really good partner? Someone who knows how to be happy in her life, regardless of her circumstances. There’s really nothing more attractive than that.

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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