Getting over someone is probably one of the most difficult things you will have to do in your life. People will tell you that it’s not that bad, that it will be ok, that it’s been long enough and that you should be over it by now.
Well no one is going to understand what you are going through because no one has experienced your relationship like you have. Your friends and family only know a part of the story. Am I right?
We all have experienced a loss somehow. The anxiety, the uncertainty, the physical pain of that pressure on your chest and the emptiness in your stomach. The energy leaving your body and the constant feeling that something is missing. I know, it’s awful.
But let me tell you, it is possible, you can get over it. If you are struggling to get over that person, these tips will help you get over your break up and be ready for your next chapter.
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Stop Touching The Wound
Do you remember the first time you fell off your bike and your mom cured you? Do you remember that somehow your wound got infected? Remember that your mom told you not to touch it, you did it anyway and now you have that tiny scar for life? Well, it’s the same with relationships.
Your wound is not going to heal if you keep touching it. You need to stop overthinking every one of your actions and decisions trying to find where everything went wrong. That’s how you get your heart infected, and even if you find it, it’s in the past and you are not in that place anymore. If it’s out of your hands, it should be out of your mind.
There’s only a few good reasons to visit the past:
- Look for lessons to learn from.
- Identify what you don’t want in your life anymore.
- Cherish the good memories.
- Forgive yourself for accepting something that you didn’t deserve.
Whenever you find yourself thinking about what went wrong, try to think about what you can do better for now on, what makes you happy and what are you hoping to find in your upcoming relationship. This will take you to a different and positive place.
It’s Not About Replacing Your Ex
It’s about healing and being a better version of yourself. A lot of people think that the best way to get over someone is to replace them immediately. And it might work for a few hours, while you are drinking at the club, kissing that stranger, feeling the heat and the touch in your skin. Actions that create chemical reactions and release dopamine. You might think it works but let’s be honest, it’s not a long term solution.
Try to keep the focus on what’s important. Yourself.
The best way to get over a relationship is keeping your mind and body as occupied as possible. If you lost your “single” routines because you were in a relationship, find new ones. Think about what you used to like to do before you were in a relationship and what you would like to do that you never did. Make as many plans as you can with your loved ones or by yourself.
Out of Sight, Out of Mind
This is one of the hard ones. You have to get rid of everything that reminds you of your Ex. Even if you ended up on good terms, that doesn’t change the purpose.
- Delete or archive past conversations. There’s nothing there that will help you move forward.
- Get rid of your Ex’s belongings. If it hurts, it doesn’t need to be in your house. If it brings good memories, store them out of sight.
- Delete the pictures. If you don’t want to go this far, at least remove them from your phone. Easy access is what makes this harder. Save them in a USB port and put it in the far back of your closet inside a tiny box. Once you’re on your knees looking for that usb port, it will start to seem ridiculous and believe me, you will stop.
If, in the far future, you find that USB port by mistake, you will either smile at the pictures or throw it away. Either way it will be okay.
Do Not Recycle
You might feel the need to recycle past relationships to feel loved or to gain attention. Just remember there’s a reason why you are not with them anymore. Those who repeat mistakes, add regrets.
Try to open your social network and meet new people that have similar interests, you will be surprised. There’s about 8 billion people out there. I’m sure there’s someone out there with the other end of your red thread of fate.
Remove The Power
If your ex still makes you nervous, anxious or upset. Remove the power from the person and the memories.
If you ever run into each other, keep calm, be polite and remove yourself from that situation. If you receive a text and it still upsets you, block the number, unfollow the social networks and execute zero contact.
Your mental health is always first.
Filter Your Conversations
Ask your family and friends to avoid mentioning the name or anything related to that person, at least until you are ready to talk about it.
Your circle of trust needs to understand your needs and acknowledge your feelings. It’s important to be clear about your situation and what you can allow moving forward. There’s no place for judgment in your healing phase.
No one can make you feel guilty for leaving a bad situation just because they found it tolerable. No one is allowed to tell you how to live your life.
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Life is full of experiences, good ones and bad ones and it’s our decision to give them relevance. People will have opinions about our relationships, but the truth is that no one can live them for us. We build our life and we put everything we want in it.
Make sure that whatever you let into your life makes you happy and turns you into a better version of yourself. It’s easy to get lost in words. Value people in your life based on their actions and build healthy relationships.
If it makes you happy it’s worth fighting for. Never settle for less than “I can live without your” love stories.
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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From The Good Men Project on Medium
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Photo credit: Sasha Freemind on Unsplash
