How to Get Rid of a Narcissist in Your Organization

Weeding out the harmful influences should become the norm not the exception.~ Carlos Wallace

In a previous post, I write out how to avoid hiring a narcissist, but it may be even more helpful to explore what to do if you recognize you have one in your organization. As I mentioned in that post, some of this is HR 101, but some may be thought-provoking and possibly helpful.

In terms of getting rid of a toxic person in your organization, there are two things to deal with: one, and there’s no way around it, it’s probably not going to be easy; and two, it tends to require a different approach than we are typically taught in communication and management courses. You have to get your ducks very much in a row in order to do it. I like to think of the three Rs of narcissist removal:

ONE: Recognition. First of all, is this person truly toxic to your organization? The word “narcissist’ is thrown around somewhat loosely these days, to the point that it can be used to describe any sort of behavior someone simply doesn’t like. Also, narcissistic is actually a description and not a diagnosis. A person can have some narcissistic traits without being overly toxic. It’s unlikely any of us are qualified to truly give a “narcissistic personality disorder” diagnosis of a boss or co-worker. And so, the recognition phase is key.

I like to use the C.R.A.V.E.D. model developed by Dr. Ramani Durvasula. This model describes behavior and even provides a bit of a checklist we can use for assessment. (See this post for a breakdown of the model.) Are they quite high in the six C.R.A.V.E.D. behaviors? Is more than one person reporting this? If so, it is likely they are having a toxic impact on your organization.

TWO: Record. Narcissists in organizations classically direct their energies towards managing up, so leadership may be unaware of the toxic impact, write it off as a “disgruntled” employee, see it as a viable management style, and/or feel that the toxic person is so wonderful it’s worth a few underlings who may not be happy. Often the direct approach of storming into HR or a leader’s office accusing the person of being a narcissist is the worst strategy possible, in that it can make the accuser look vindictive or even unhinged. (This is not to say don’t go on record with complaints, which can be a critical part of the process of building a compelling case.)

It’s also not a great idea to confront the person themselves, tell them how you feel, or appeal to their (nonexistent) better instincts. I like to say narcissists are often not that good at many things, but they generally are flat out masters of manipulation. They actually love learning how you feel and how their toxic behavior has impacted you–not because they care, but because it gives them more insight into how to get under your skin.

So what to do? Gather evidence. Write everything down. If it comes to this point, actually record your interactions. If at all possible, get examples from multiple sources beyond yourself. The more evidence of their impact on others in the organization, the better. And because narcissists are generally uninterested in those who they see as unable to do anything for them or are “beneath” them, folks in those positions may well have a great deal to say about poor or even abusive behavior, while feeling powerless to do anything about it.

If the narcissist has managed up well and convinced leadership they are valuable (or even irreplaceable) to the organization, as I mentioned above, you will need to have your ducks in a row before making a move. Focusing on the overall impact to the team or organization rather than simply yourself can be a powerful strategy, because then others have more difficulty framing this as a disagreement or personal “incompatibility.” This is particularly critical if you need, as a friend of mine did, to do an end-run around your own manager by going above their head.

THREE: Removal. It’s a bit depressing, but the overwhelming majority of professionals in the field have seen that high trait narcissism is not a problem that can be coached, counseled, or trained away. It is a personality issue, and personality tends to stay fairly stable. Good kind, empathetic people often resist this and want to hold out hope the narcissist will change. They give them counseling or — even worse — move the person to another location or division, thus spreading the problem around.

Rather, organizations must have the courage to, in the words of the quote above, make weeding out the harmful influences the norm not the exception. Sometimes this is expensive, because narcissists like to threaten, dominate, and even sue. The more the ducks are lined up, the harder it will be for them to do so, but to be honest, sometimes a payoff — if the only way to get them out — is well worth it. The indirect costs of having a toxic person in your organization are simply far to high and will most likely cost you more in the long run.

I want to also note that you yourself may not be in the position to get rid of the person, and so, doing your reconnaissance and making a compelling case may not work if others in organization do not want to recognize things for what they are. It’s a risk, but I hope more and more people find the courage to take it. One way to create the empowering, healthy workplaces where people can thrive is to say a hard no to anything less.

For some great statistics on the financial costs of toxicity in an organization, see the book Dying for a Paycheck by Stanford business professor Jeffrey Pfeffer.

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This post was previously published on But Now I Know Your Name and is republished on Medium.

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