How to Go Out Alone and Meet People Without Feeling Awkward

I’ve been traveling the world solo for more than five years, but I’ve never felt lonely.

This is because I’ve taught myself how to go out alone, start conversations and quickly build meaningful connections.

Below, you’ll find my three-step guide for how to go out to a bar or nightclub by yourself, meet people and have a great time.

Step 1. Be Social All Day

If you haven’t spoken to anyone all day, you’ll arrive at the bar feeling stifled and anti-social. This is because logical and social activities are controlled by different sides of the brain, and it’s not easy to switch between them.

However, you can keep the social side of the brain active by making smalltalk with anyone who crosses your path.

Engage in small chit-chat with your work colleagues;
Make smalltalk with the cashiers, taxi drivers and other service staff;
Call some friends for a catch-up;

At the very least, make an effort to talk with people on the way to the bar. Ask for directions, give a passing compliment, discover what their favourite bar is. It only needs a few seconds. Speak with the security staff, cloakroom workers and bar staff when you arrive at the venue too.

You will feel resistance to doing this, especially if you don’t consider yourself a ‘people person’. Your ego will find excuses not to do these warm-up exercises. Force yourself to do them anyway. I promise this will make it so much easier to start conversations inside the bar.

Step 2. Find A Home Base

Photo courtesy Joe Elvin(author)

If you’ve completed the first step properly, you should feel a sense of social momentum. Don’t let that die out once you’ve entered the venue.

Make a point of talking to the first group of people you see. Spread positive vibes and stay in the group for as long as you feel comfortable.

Initially, you may only feel like giving one compliment, clinking glasses and moving on. That’s fine. Once you’re done, move on to the next group as soon as possible.

The point is to show your brain that most people are friendly. When you greet them with positive energy, almost everyone will give you positive vibes in return.

Soon enough, you’ll find a group of people who seem especially welcoming. They’ll smile, ask questions and make you feel comfortable in their presence. This group can be considered your ‘home base’.

The best candidates for a home base are people who aren’t that attractive and look kind of bored. These are the most likely to be excited by a cool person approaching them.

You don’t need to stay with your home base all night. You can wish them a good night, leave and talk to other people whenever you feel like it.

Step 3. Give Positive Vibes

When you approach a group of people and you’re desperate for them to accept you, they’ll feel your needy energy and won’t want to talk. A home base should stop you from feeling this desperation.

It should feel like any normal night once your home base is established. You should no longer feel alone. Whenever you’re feeling self-conscious about being by yourself, you can return and talk to them some more.

If someone asks where your friends are (and you don’t feel comfortable saying you’re alone), you can tell them about your home base. You can even invite someone from your home base to come and meet new people with you.

In my experience, most people will be happy to talk if:

you bring positive vibes;
you’re more fun than what they were previously having.

In a bar or nightclub, you can say whatever you want as long as you follow those two rules. The secret of fun is being unstifled enough not to filter what you say to people. Everyone is capable of starting a fun conversation, but most people get too caught up in what they should or shouldn’t say.

It’s common to use alcohol to lose these inhibitions. I’ve found that building social momentum throughout the evening can have the same unstifling effect. For tips on how to turn a conversation into a lasting friendship, see my full guide on how to make friends as an adult.

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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