I was so scared I couldn’t get my legs to move.
Until that night, “frozen in fear” was just a saying. Yet here I was, a supposedly brave police officer, white as a ghost and frozen to the spot. I felt sick looking at the horror in front of me, and eventually, I disassociated from my body and felt like I was watching myself from above.
I silently cried for my mum.
But no one could save me that night. I was at a scene so horrific and unique that I was unlikely ever to see such a thing again. I had to guard it for hours, mostly alone unless you count the dead as company.
This started my battle with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder; I’ve been fighting it for 20 years. But my life now is happier than I ever thought possible. Here’s how you can start to rebuild your life after trauma.
. . .
1. One person makes all the difference.
The first thing I did when I began suffering was tell my family. My dad was getting ready for work when I came home from the Nightmare Scene and saw me crying, so he was the first person I told. He wasn’t the greatest help.
Luckily, when I woke up later that afternoon, my mum looked after me and has supported me until today. Soon after becoming sick, I met my partner, and she has always helped me and tolerated me at my worst and most angry.
A common misconception is that you need a wide circle of friends to get you through such bad times. But you don’t need everyone to understand. If you have one or two people you can confide in, it can make all the difference, and you’re lucky beyond measure.
You don’t have to go into details about the trauma. I haven’t told anyone everything about that night, even 20 years later. You might feel unable to talk because the pain’s too great. All you need to say is that something terrible happened; you’re suffering and need support.
. . .
2. The side effects are worth it.
If you’re lucky enough to have a good doctor (here in the UK, seeing a doctor is now a fantasy), they should listen to you, recommend potential therapists, and might prescribe medication.
Medication for mental illness gets a bad rap, and there’s no doubt the side effects can be difficult. But without it, I wouldn’t be alive today.
Finding the right combo of meds isn’t easy. Different meds affect different people in different ways. It took multiple psychiatrists and more than ten different types of medication before I found the winning combo. Once I did, everything fell into place, and I could finally feel the love of my family. The world regained its color.
Everything I’ve achieved since those dark days resulted from medication.
. . .
3. Results may vary.
If your doctor recommends a therapist, you should give it a try. It may be free, depending on your country.
My experiences with therapists have been bad. They didn’t help or understand me and had enormous egos. They cost me a lot of wasted money.
Other people have had fantastic experiences and say therapy changed their lives. While loved ones are emotionally attached to you, they lack the knowledge to help you heal. A therapist has been trained and is detached enough to be objective.
A therapist can make a massive difference if you still feel intimidated by medication. If you combine the two, you have the gold standard of treatment.
. . .
4. The best thing you can do for yourself.
Once medication and therapy have a positive effect, you’ll be ready to start exercising.
Working out might be impossible at first. I used to struggle to get out of bed, never mind lifting weights. But once you have the energy, exercise is the best thing you can do for yourself. The benefits are mental as well as physical.
Start by talking walks. You get to decide the distance and pace. Walking has the added benefit of being outside.
. . .
5. Don’t underestimate the importance of this.
PTSD and meds can mess around with your sleep schedule. On one medication, I was sleeping 17 hours a day. On another, I couldn’t sleep at all. Ultimately, it worked out, and I now sleep for eight and a half hours a night. If I sleep less, it’s a severe risk to my mental health.
I’m working on eating healthily. I’m a work in progress and don’t have everything figured out.
The key is moderation. Be aware that you may use food for emotional reasons over simple hunger. I’ve used food to suppress my pain like a drug addict might use heroin. I’ll always be a recovering foodaholic.
. . .
6. Expect hard times.
No matter how hard you try, you won’t progress on a smooth upward curve. You’ll have bad days and setbacks, making you question your ability and resolve. Some days you’ll feel weak and think you’re stuck with this pain forever.
Expect these difficult times. Forewarned is forearmed. Instead of being caught off guard and hating yourself for your setbacks, be kind. Even if it feels like “two steps forward and one back,” you’re in a better place than when you started. Small gains add up over time, and if you look back in a year, you’ll be amazed at your progress.
. . .
Ban the word “victim.”
You need to stop thinking of yourself as a victim. The word represents powerlessness — someone at the mercy of circumstances beyond their control.
Instead, you’re a survivor. Know that any event doesn’t define you. You have it inside you to rise above your situation stronger than ever. Turn your terrible situation into something positive.
The road to your recovery starts now.
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This post was previously published on Publishous.
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You may also like these posts on The Good Men Project:
 White Fragility: Talking to White People About Racism |
 Escape the “Act Like a Man” Box |
 The Lack of Gentle Platonic Touch in Men’s Lives is a Killer |
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