How to Heal Your Heart So You Can Love Again

If you are a human with a heartbeat walking this earth, I bet you have gotten your heart broken at least once.

If you never experienced heartbreak, please contact the Guinness Book Committee.

For the rest of us, heartbreak sucks. It’s physically painful like you feel someone is ripping your heart out of your chest.

While there is beauty and strength in feeling the pain, eventually, you want to mend your heart so you can love again.

These mindsets helped me through two divorces ( I know!) and other smaller heartaches, and I hope it can help you, too.

Before you roll your eyes, I beg you to give me one minute of your time because these powerful mindsets are not only golden for romantic heartbreaks, but they are powerful tools for anyone going through pain and struggles.

So let’s get going; we got lots of mending and loving to do.

1. Heartbreak it’s part of the human experience

The sheer knowledge that heartbreak is part of life is comforting and reassuring.

The universe is not conspiring against you to make you suffer miserably, nor is it your fault that it hurts so much you want to disappear. Nor is it all your fault, or your mother’s, or that damn childhood memory that keeps creeping back.

Guilt, blame, and shame won’t help you mend your heart. It will only add salt to an already open wound.

You are a human with feelings, emotions, expectations, disappointments, regrets, doubts, fears, hopes, and dreams.

Know that it will happen. It’s natural, normal, and a sign that you are living and loving.

2. Let it go or let it grow

If you don’t let it go, you will let it grow.

While we navigate this crazy, beautiful life, you will get heartbroken. You can freak out, seek revenge, blame yourself, blame others, or numb it with addiction.

If you don’t let go of the hurt, the hurt will grow.

If you don’t let go of resentment, the resentment will grow.

I am not saying you have to let it go right away. But after you feel the pain and give yourself some grace, just listen to Elsa and let it go.

But for the love of everything holy, how do you let it go? For once, stop focusing on it. Whatever you focus on grows.

Avoid repeating the story over and over (yes, even in your head), avoid things that remind you of the heartbreak, and focus your attention outwardly by being productive, learning, volunteering, helping others, and doing something you always wanted to do but never got to it.

Am I the only one with a “To do when I have more time” list?

3. Recognize your part in the heartbreak

This is not about self-blame; it’s about self-awareness.

We are the common denominator in our life story.

We play a part in everything that happens to us, for us, and with us. Many times in a divorce, I hear people immediately taking sides. “Oh, she was crazy!” Or “He cheated!”

But life is never one-sided. Seldom do things happen for solely one reason. And anyway, it’s not about that at all.

It takes courage and humility to look in the mirror and ask, “What part did I play?”

If we want to truly move on, we must recognize what role we played, how we may have contributed to this heartbreak in one way or another, and most importantly, what we can do to heal the part of us that inadvertently led us to this unbearable pain.

Until we do so, we are trapped in an ever-revolving merry-go-round of victimhood, self-pity, blame, and accusations.

And healing is standing on the side, dizzy.

4. The power of forgiveness

If we learn to forgive, much of our anger, resentment, and bitterness disappear. Once your heart is empty of all those sad emotions, you will make room for healing, trust, and love.

It’s not easy, but as the saying goes,

Unknow author. Credits: https://www.pinterest.ca/pin/ATPY1QwboaYm7EwoTZby2YnDbzesjAqkYgAprOMR6Oityoe8NyBcBcA/
If you can forgive and forget, my darling, you are blessed.

Bad memory isn’t always a bad thing, after all.

5. Use your pain

One of my favorite quotes says,

“There is nothing more whole than a broken heart” – Rabbi Menachem Mendel of Kotzk

Heartbreak can be brutal, but it can also be beautiful. It can shatter you, but it can surely strengthen you.

Some people die of heartache, while others use their pain to guide them through the highest path a person could lead.

Your broken heart is as whole as anything else when you use it to feel, love, and serve with humility and compassion like no unbroken heart will ever do.

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I would love to send you my FREE eBook. Please subscribe at www.chanyzagury.com/subscribe

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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From The Good Men Project on Medium

What Does Being in Love and Loving Someone Really Mean?

My 9-Year-Old Accidentally Explained Why His Mom Divorced Me

The One Thing Men Want More Than Sex

The Internal Struggle Men Battle in Silence

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