Historically, cultures around the world have revered their elders, treating them with respect and honoring them. But these days, in the United States, we’re less likely to honor our elders. Why is this the case? And what strategies can we employ to bring this respect back into our culture?
The Decline of Honoring Elders
How can we explain the decline of honoring our elders?
First, it’s important to acknowledge that this is a hard concept to objectively measure. Without large-scale surveys dating back decades, it’s tough to definitively estimate the extent to which people “honor” their elders. But we can speculate about the reasons motivating the perceived decline.
- Individualism. In the United States, we have a strong culture of individualism. In other words, we put a greater emphasis on individual accomplishment and action than we do on collaborative and collective action. People are responsible for themselves, we expect them to make achievements by themselves, and we expect them to solve all their own problems. In this culture, we expect elders to take care of themselves. We’re too busy with our own individual accomplishments to give effort and attention to elderly people. And we don’t have many collective solutions to give elders the care they deserve.
- Technology. We can also attribute some of this phenomenon to the onset of modern technology. With modern tech, we live increasingly disconnected lives, spending more time interacting with online strangers that are close friends and family members. Additionally, we’re prone to staying at home more frequently, meaning we’re less likely to encounter elderly people throughout the course of a given day.
- Rejection of tradition. It’s also worth acknowledging that modern generations have rejected historical traditions. Various religious and cultural values that once guided people to respect their elders have eroded away, in favor of new systems of values and beliefs. This is not an indictment of those new systems; it’s merely an explanation of a shift of values.
Honoring Your Elders in the Modern Age
“Honoring your elders” doesn’t have to mean tolerating or approving of every action taken by people older than us. It doesn’t necessarily mean doing everything your grandmother tells you to do or making significant personal sacrifices for elderly strangers. Instead, it’s about doing whatever you can reasonably do to make elders feel loved, respected, and comfortable. These are some of the best ways to do it:
- Prioritize comfort. Whenever possible, prioritize the comfort of the elderly person in your vicinity. Simple home upgrades, like a heated bidet toilet seat, can make a huge difference in the comfort and lifestyle of a person in a residential environment. Basic acts of kindness, like giving your seat to an older person on the bus, can make someone’s day.
- Visit. One of the biggest challenges of getting older is loneliness. As older people become less mobile and less connected, they suffer from isolation and depression. Accordingly, one of the best ways to honor your elders is to visit them frequently and assist them in finding more social opportunities.
- Help. If you have the time and energy to spare, consider helping your elders with various tasks around their house and in their daily life. Running a short errand, preparing a meal, or cleaning the house can save them a lot of time and headaches.
- Listen. If you’re not sure what else to do, ask questions and patiently listen to your elders. They’ll probably be excited to share stories and memories with you, and you’ll get the opportunity to learn from their experience and wisdom.
- Empathize. Finally, practice empathy. Try to understand what it feels like to be in their position, and understand what makes them different than people in your generation. This will help you build a stronger bond while simultaneously making it easier to proactively resolve conflicts.
Why We Should Still Honor Our Elders
So why should we practice these habits and honor our elders? Why should we go through this extra effort?
- Wisdom and perspective. Talking to people older than you gives you an opportunity to gain wisdom and perspective. These people have lived long lives in different eras and they have many different memories and experiences to share with you.
- Compassion. Giving more care and attention to elderly people is an act of compassion, and we’re all in need of compassion in our lives. In almost every system of beliefs, it’s good to practice compassion and provide emotional support to others; whether you believe in heaven, karma, or just agnostic human decency, honoring elders is a morally valuable decision.
- Setting the example. Finally, honoring your elders is an important way to set an example for future generations. If you spend time and effort caring for the elderly people in your life, the young people in your life will be more likely to care for you when you’re older. It’s a potentially selfish point but a worthwhile one.
It’s debatable whether “honoring elders” should be an entrenched cultural value, in part because not all elders are equally deserving of unconditional obedience or even gratitude. But if we all took more time and effort to honor our elders and give them respect, we might all be better off for it. Some of the simplest acts or some of the most impactful, so there’s no excuse not to try.
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This content is made possible by Larry Alton.
Photo by Claudia Love on Unsplash
