During my dating life I’ve been in contact with some men that were a total waste of time.
I even dated a guy for one year and he ended up flirting with one of my best friends at my birthday party, creating unnecessary drama. You will think that the guy is a jerk, and he probably is, but it wasn’t entirely his fault. I saw the red flags several times and decided to ignore them with the hope of changing him into the man of my dreams. BIG MISTAKE.
During my days of college, I witnessed a relationship that seemed perfect. One of my very talented friends started dating this guy that was so devoted to her. They used to do everything together; he was so kind and loving, and she was really happy. After finals, we went to a club with some other friends to celebrate the end of final exams, and the guy ended up hitting on the dumbest girl in school and asking for her number, right in front of my friend’s nose. They broke up that night, and then he started dating the other girl in less than a week.
Later in life, I started working at a logistics company. One of my colleagues started dating this hot senior manager. He used to take her to lunch every day, sometimes to the movies, and even weekends away to pretty places that she had never seen. One day she received a text from a woman, kindly asking her to stop texting and seeing her husband. A few days later, he disappeared from her life and started to completely ignore her. When I talked to her after that, she told me she knew he was married but that he had told her he was getting a divorce.
I used to think that there were no undateable men, but after at least 15 years of active dating, doing research and having witnessed a lot of my friends’ relationships, I have realized that there are, especially if you are looking for someone to settle down with.
Here are the 10 types of undateable guys that you need to avoid if you are looking for a serious relationship.
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1. The One With A Checklist.
A man that knows what he wants can be very attractive prey for a woman hunting her perfect match, but here’s the catch: What happens if what he wants is not you and he’s not being honest about it?
Remember the story of the guy hitting on my friend on my birthday? Well he’s a checklist man. I remember that in one conversation we had on one of our first dates, I asked what he was looking for in a woman, and he was very specific. He wanted a woman who was tall, smart, fit, brunette, tan, long legs, straight hair and willing to marry and have babies soon-ish.
In my personal opinion, he was a polished 7 asking for a 10. Anyway, I analyzed the list and figured out I had probably 5 of the 9 characteristics he was looking for as long as I straightened my hair once in a while.
Like I told you, I saw the red flags. I knew I wasn’t entirely what he was looking for, but he continued giving me mixed signals about me being the one, until my birthday party where he actually hit on one of my best friends. She filled the whole checklist but there was one problem… She wasn’t into him. Not a little bit, not at all.
After ending things with him, I asked him why it didn’t work between us and, to sum up, I wasn’t good enough but he had strong feelings for me. He was playing the field and waiting for something better to come along. So I let him play the field without me in it.
If you ever cross paths with a guy with a checklist, make sure you check all the boxes; otherwise, keep walking.
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2. The Competitive One.
If a man is competitive in his job, achieving his goals, and getting ahead on his own merits, that’s something to admire. But what happens when he is competing against you? That’s a completely different story.
Do you remember my talented friend getting dumped after finals? Well she told me that after that last encounter with her now ex-boyfriend, he said the relationship was too complicated, that she was very hard to please, and that she had impossible life goals. He said that he needed someone more “easygoing”. That explained why he got together with a girl that had popcorn for brains.
Later in life, they met in a party, probably 3 years after breaking up. She asked again what went wrong, but this time he needed to be honest. He said that he was immature at that time, that he got angry because she was doing better at college, and that he thought she was more talented than him, meaning that she was going to get further in life so he would always be jealous of her.
She remembered how he used phrases like “You only got that grade because you had the easiest version of the test,” “I can’t believe you got that internship! I can do that job so much better than you,” and “I can look for a student exchange opportunity too, where did you say you were going?”
So, in the end she did that exchange to Madrid, she got an internship at a very famous TV channel, she worked for a major soda company and now she is a Marketing Global Manager in a very important international hardware company. He’s doing social media for the son of a governor. There’s no such thing as a bad job if you love it, but cash is king and she is winning.
A man should be supportive. He must admire his partner and be proud of the woman he has by his side. And that man must be worthy of the same admiration and support. In a relationship, mutual respect is key. So if you are dating a man that is jealous of your success, at some point you will be holding yourself back to please him. That’s a no.
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3. The Taken One.
This is a tricky one, because you might think, “Well it’s very obvious, you just don’t date him.” But it’s not that easy if you are being convinced with sweet lies like: “We are getting a divorce,” “Our relationship is going really bad,” “We are together only for the kids,” or “I’m in love with you, I don’t even touch her anymore.” I think the worst case is when a woman totally ignores the fact that he’s with someone else and then gets ambushed at some point by the girlfriend or wife.
There are a lot of women that, even knowing the situation, keep playing the game hoping to become the number one. But remember, if you are the other woman, then eventually he will get another one. Because it’s basic human behavior… If you succeed once in something that gives you pleasure, you will do it again, and then the situation turns into a bad cycle where someone will get hurt.
There are some situations in which it can work, that the other woman becomes the love of his life and they grow old together, but that is the exception, not the rule.
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4. The One Without Ambitions.
The one that is okay with his circumstances and doesn’t pursue any goals in life. A man with no ambitions or dreams to fight for because he’s comfortable where he is. He’s happy making minimum wage, with minimal effort for as long as he lives.
I knew this guy once who said to me: “The only thing I look for in life is being able to afford two shots of tequila every day, a guitar and a speaker to listen to my rock old tunes.” I could tell that he was trying to look bohemian and cool, but in my head there was this voice saying: “Wow, is that all?”
If you are a woman looking for security this man is not for you no matter how hot he is. If you get fired he will not be the one going out and looking for more income, he won’t get out of his comfort zone for you. And it’s not because he doesn’t love you, he’s just not used to putting effort on anything because he’s comfortable with what he has right now.
If you want to be a sugar momma and provide for him, it might work. But if you are looking for an equal or someone to admire, don’t settle for less than your expectations.
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5. The Jealous One.
There are some women that like a little jealousy because it can make them feel desirable, comfortable with their beauty, and even secure in their relationship, but there’s a line that shouldn’t be crossed.
The jealous one is the type of man that assumes the worst in his partner, who is constantly thinking that his partner will cheat on him, and who is always looking for evidence to support his suspicion.
The guy that checks your phone while you are in the shower is the jealous one. He’s the kind of guy that, as soon as you mention a male name in a conversation, asks “Who is he?” “Where did you meet him?” and “Why didn’t you tell me about him before?”
The jealous guy is not comfortable with you showing cleavage or wearing a short skirt or a bikini because receiving attention from other men will threaten his mental stability and detonate his hidden insecurities.
Most of these men come in two types. The ones that are recovering from a cheating situation and need to heal, and the ones that tend to cheat on their partners. In the case of cheaters, as soon as they fall in love and start to be vulnerable, they can’t stop thinking about being cheated on.
Accepting being in a relationship with the jealous one will reduce your freedom, make you less sensual and create a fear of interacting with the opposite sex just to keep your relationship alive.
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6. The Entitled One.
This is the man that behaves like a spoiled prince — the one that thinks that he deserves everything without making an effort to earn it. He expects respect, love, and admiration just for being his magnificent self.
He is the one that expects a woman to cook for him, do his laundry, and laugh at his jokes. Most of the time he’s selfish in bed because the woman’s job is to please him. He’s sexist, either in an obvious way or silently.
He doesn’t stay long in a job or in a relationship because he thinks that everything is beneath him and that he can always find something better. He’s constantly surrounding himself with rich friends because he feels that he belongs in a higher class, even when he really can’t afford the lifestyle.
When a woman falls in love with the entitled one, she ends up in a relationship that is all about him and his well being. She puts him first and forgets about herself.
Once the entitled one realizes that he’s in control then he feels he has conquered “another one,” and he has the need to move on to the next one, which is why he’s always flirtatious and self confident.
His confidence is the weapon he uses to capture women’s attention, so stay alert and analyze the behavior of the man you are dating. Love, respect, and admiration must be earned.
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7. The Peter Pan.
This is the man-child, the immature, one that refuses to grow up.
This kind of man ends up an argument with: “Whatever,” “You are crazy,”or “I’m not wasting my time talking about this.”
He is sensitive to strong opinions and will take everything personally, so he’s the one who will break up with you as soon as you make a constructive criticism about him or his behavior.
He will prefer to walk away from a discussion and change the subject as soon as you bring a serious matter to the table. He disguises his insecurities with humor, and you will never be able to have a serious conversation with him.
He’s afraid of commitment and prefers to stay in a “boyfriend, girlfriend” relationship for as long as he can or as long as the woman tolerates his behavior.
He’s the one that punches the wall when he gets angry just to appear strong (and not at all defeated). He will never meet your parents, and avoids meeting your friends, because he’s comfortable “just being with you.” Any formal social event that requires formality will be avoided because going together implies more responsibility in the relationship, and he can’t deal with that.
Accepting a relationship with Peter Pan will make you the eternal girlfriend, with little opinions and solving every issue on your own.
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8. The Know It All.
There’s nothing more appealing in a man than intelligence. Every woman loves a man who shares interesting facts with you just to nourish your knowledge, someone that can hold an exciting and interesting conversation and is not afraid to have an opinion because he has the facts to sustain them.
There’s a difference between the intelligent man and the Know It All one. The Know It All is the man that thinks that he’s right all the time and never allows you to correct him.
This one thinks he’s smarter than you and will never admire you for your intelligence. He’s the man that, once you bring up an interesting topic to a conversation, will try to steal the mic and talk about a fact he read somewhere sometime, no matter if it’s a boring fact or a wrong one. He will talk just to overshadow your intelligence.
He’s someone who will be overly proactive in all the conversations with your friends and will say everything that comes to his mind just to blend in and get some attention.
This one is easy to identify, and most of the time you won’t tolerate him for very long. But if you keep being in a relationship with the Know It All, you will end up making excuses for him with your friends, tolerating embarrassment, and keeping your thoughts to yourself, because it will be easier than having those boring, senseless conversations with him.
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9. The Snob.
This man is well known for only respecting and liking high society and everything that comes with it. He has extremely high standards and will never be satisfied with common things.
He’s the man that will go to the movies with you and criticize everything about it or compare it to any other one he considers good. If you have middle-class friends or acquaintances, he will be uncomfortable around them and will encourage you to increase your social standards.
He’s the one that calls everyone by first and last name and will mention the title or family name of everyone he introduces you to. He will ask your friends about their social position, their family and even their jobs, just to be sure he’s in the right social environment.
He will dislike most of the regular things in life and anything that doesn’t require a high price. He will be presumptuous and vain in a non-obvious way at first, but he will show his true colors eventually.
Being in a relationship with a snob will isolate you. You will attend certain events, with only certain people, and the basic things in life that you once found joyful will slowly vanish. His friends will become your friends, and his environment will become the only place he will accept and find agreeable.
And, if for some reason the relationship ends, you will find yourself crying by yourself, it’s hard to find the people that stayed around just to check on you after isolating yourself for a long period of time.
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10. The “Nice Guy.”
The “Nice Guy” is the most dangerous one. He’s the one that you are completely sure is perfect — there’s nothing wrong with him. How could it be? He’s so nice and attentive.
Well, this man is really hard to identify because his actions are measured and calculated. He’s the man that will sweet talk to you, grant you favors, be the perfect gentleman and lie his way into your heart in order to get what he wants from you.
He will take you to dinner, pay the bill, smile at you all the time, lie about his past and present, and only share what he knows will amaze you. He will fill you with compliments and even pretend to be your best friend.
Once you fall for him, he will slowly change, so slowly that you will not notice anything is different. He will start to lightly blackmail you sentimentally and play the victim. And, if your love becomes strong you will fall into his trap.
If he wants money, he will get it. If he wants sex, he will get it. If he wants any type of favor, HE WILL GET IT.
All because he did his act, so he will collect one way or another. Once you discover the real man behind the mask he will disappear and move on to the next one. He will make excuses and blame you for everything that went wrong, because he was always SUCH A NICE GUY.
Even when he’s hard to identify, it’s not impossible. When you come across a man that is too good to be true, he probably is. THE PERFECT MAN IS ALWAYS IMPERFECT, because he has to be perfect for you.
The solution is to ask questions, analyze his behavior, set boundaries, and stay alert.
A good way to avoid this type of man is to observe yourself closely. Are you changing? Are you giving a lot more in the relationship? Are you becoming the best version of yourself? Do you trust him? Do you like who you are when you are with him? Are you comfortable? If most of the questions are answered in a negative way, then it’s time to move on.
I know there are good men out there, but, sadly, women tend to be insecure and closed-off to love because of bad experiences with undateable men.
I’m still committed to my opinion that the perfect man is imperfect because he’s honest about his strengths and weaknesses and no perfect man would call himself perfect.
A perfect man is an honest one: honest with himself, honest about his feelings and his circumstances, and always honest with his partner, no matter what.
By avoiding these 10 types of undateable men, I’m sure that you’ll be much closer to finding the perfect man for you.
This post was previously published on medium.com.
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