How to Know if You’re Ready for a Relationship

I’ve set a candied-peppermint candle aflame with romance on my mind and I wondered…how do I know that I’m ready for love?

The sky remains amidst a bashful overcast; transparent clouds whisper to my heart, write about it.

I’ve never had a successful romantic encounter in the past, for various reasons certainly, however, one common denominator often remained: I was never ready to take care of a relationship.

I fancied the romantic aspect of relationships but neglected (and perhaps was possibly blinded to) the love aspect — the aspect of action through nourishment.

Being ready for a relationship, I’ve concluded, isn’t merely the simple desire for one, but by also having the means to sustain it and its livelihood, such as…

Knowing what you need (from yourself and others)

Before opening up to any relationship that demands vulnerability, I feel as though it’s vastly important to find comfort within ourselves: knowing what makes you feel the most authentic, energized and recharged.

All in all, what helps you feel whole and fulfilled in life alone.

Only then will we understand what we need from others throughout a deeper connection with them as well.

For example, my needs from another are to have someone who is patient with me as I continue to heal, has a willingness to take things slow, and is completely transparent.

These three things are necessities in which I cannot find myself to be welcoming to any relationship if these aspects are not present.

…

Knowing what you want

Personally, I feel as though knowing what you want can be condensed into a two categorize: lighthearted or serious.

Lighthearted relationships obtain a foundation where the relationship’s destination isn’t seen as a priority, rather, something to journey towards day-by-day.

A serious relationship has a concise and certain end point in which both individuals in the relationship work alongside another to reach.

Personally, I find myself on the spectrum of being more serious at this time in my life, as I’ve mapped out a 3–5 years plan of how I want my life to look, which includes a single person to engage every milestone with.

I want to travel again in the near future; however, I do not want to go it alone as last time.

Whilst travelling, I also want to have stable living situations that allow a snowbird lifestyle to come back to, however, I don’t have all the means alone to make this a reality.

Thereafter, I want to get married and obtain a stable living amidst an advanced countryside in order to start and care for a family including babies and pets.

How I see it, if someone can’t see themselves taking the last steps along my side, I won’t open up to a relationship with them to even attempt the first.

Perhaps, I suppose, it may sound a bit contrasted alongside my desire to start a relationship slow…though, I truly believe both are possible and immovable aspects; in a way, it’s how I’ll know the other is not only ready to be in a relationship with me specifically, but I’ll also know that this individual is the one who’s meant for me.

…

Finding comfort in the uncomfortable

As I mentioned briefly, romantic relationships often demand a great deal of vulnerability, which can be greatly uncomfortable.

The only way, I feel, to completely sustain a relationship is by being comfortable and welcoming to vulnerability.

One of the biggest indicators that made me realize I was ready for a relationship was having the desire to be unrefined with someone — wanting to speak aloud the overflowing thoughts throughout my mind, wanting to share the imperfect aspects of my being, and so on.

I’ve only ever felt this desire to be completely unfiltered with another once, which was my most recent romantic encounter and some time ago now; however, even then, I feel that it didn’t work out partly because I neglected the other aspects of being ready for a relationship — I didn’t take the necessary time away from the world and external influence to know, undeniably, the woman in the mirror as I do now.

…

More on relationships with others and oneself:

the foundation to love&romance

finding yourself

the building blocks to identity

finding comfort amidst the uncomfortable

—

This post was previously published on medium.com.

***