Disappointment comes in many shapes and forms, but for this piece, I am focusing on disappointment with life or with what your life could have been but isn’t.
When you’re living a life that falls short of your expectations, disappointment is almost inevitable. This disappointment can also be seen as a form of loss.
There are two possible normal human reactions as you reach that moment of realization that your life isn’t what you wished, hoped, or planned it to be: blame and guilt.
Blame
Is a natural reaction to loss and a valid stop on the grief journey.
When we experience emotions such as disappointment, it often feels overwhelming, and we sometimes do not know what to do with it, or where to place it.
Blame is an attempt to direct that feeling onto something or someone outside of ourselves. This is when people start to blame their parents, the government, the economy, society — anything or anyone but themselves — for the state of their lives.
Guilt
On the other hand, is when you internalize that feeling. You take it in and rationalize that it must be because of something you did or didn’t do.
These reactions are normal because, at every point as humans, we try to make sense of the circumstances of our lives.
The real challenge, however, isn’t in feeling these emotions, it’s in deciding whether to stay there. The danger lies in pitching your tent and camping out with blame and/or guilt, making them permanent companions and residents in your mind instead of temporary visitors.
The key is to realize that guilt and blame like all other emotions are guests with important information and insights that could serve you. Your power lies in being able to entertain these guests briefly to understand why they’ve come, without letting them take over your life.
Don’t make ‘guilt’ and ‘blame’ your permanent companions
When you do, they strip you of your power.
With blame, you hand your power over to others and external forces; with guilt, you relinquish your power to change and not be bound by the circumstances of your life.
In both cases, you hold the key to your liberation — you just need to use it.
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One reason people often hold onto these emotions is a belief that doing anything less means they don’t fully grasp the gravity of their situation. But in reality, understanding what’s at stake should propel you to let go, so you can harness all the tools and resources you’ve been blessed with.
It’s okay to feel disappointed if your life isn’t where it could be, but don’t stay there permanently. Invite your disappointment in for a cup of coffee — chat with it, understand why it’s there, and then send it on its way. Let that meeting propel you toward growth, not despair.
Rooting for you
~ Deola
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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From The Good Men Project on Medium
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Photo credit: nrd on Unsplash
