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Relationships are based on being connected to one another not only on a physical level but also emotional, mental and spiritual level. To build a healthy and happy relationship, it is important to get to know each and deeply connect with your loved one.
There are many things that we do not understand about our opposite-sex partner and those can be the cause of a lot of frustration. This article is aimed at helping you connect with your partner.
1. Understand men and women are different.
One of the most challenging parts of a relationship comes due to a lack of understanding of the differences in the male and female brain.
The male brain is a problem-solving brain. If there is a problem, the male brain is programmed to start looking for ways to solve them. If something needs to be repaired or out of place, men will start to think about ways to fix them. They usually scan a new environment for safe entry and exit locations. They are subconsciously programmed to do just that.
The female brain, on the other hand, is communication focused. When talking about a problem, women are not concerned about finding a solution. All they want is for their partner to listen to them – THAT IS ALL! When a female partner shares her feelings, the male partner is NOT AT ALL expected to solve the problems in her life.
If you are a male – You need to shut down your natural “problem solving” response when your partner is sharing her feelings with you. If you are a female – Before starting to express your feelings with your partner, you can start with the following phrase – “I am sharing how I am feeling with you. I don’t want you to provide any solutions, I just want you to LISTEN”. Once the ground rules are established, communicating your feelings to your partner becomes easier and you connect deeply.
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2. Avoid too many expectations.
One pitfall that leads to the destruction of many relationships is “Having too many expectations”. When you start to get romantically involved with someone, it is quite natural to start expecting things from your partner.
For example – You might be a huge fan of Chinese food and you have always wanted to eat Chinese food at different restaurants with your partner. However, your partner isn’t interested in Chinese food. In that case, it would be unwise of you to expect your partner to like what they aren’t interested in and force them to try Chinese. This will only create a conflict in your relationship.
It would be unhealthy if you start to have too many expectations of your partner. Your partner is in this relationship because they want to feel comfortable with you. If you keep telling them to constantly change themselves, they might start to wonder is it really worth changing so much?
Take out a piece of paper and make a list of all the expectations that you have of your partner. You just might have one too many! They might be really trivial ones such as “I want my partner to (a) wake up on the right side of the bed, (b) be a little more hygienic, (c) give me more time,” and so on. Just be sure that you write those down. After writing, start analyzing them and you might notice that you might have too many expectations of your partner.
Avoid the trap of expecting too much of your partner and you start accepting them for who they are. This will REALLY help you to connect with your partner on a deeper level.
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3. Find something to do together.
Relationships are built on trust and understanding between the partners. Everyone likes and dislikes different things. Therefore, it is obvious that both of you might not be interested in the same things.
When you just start dating someone, you find that you have so many new experiences. You meet new people, you go to new places, you try new food and so on. This is what is known as “The Honeymoon Phase”. This is the phase when everything seems wonderful. You have new experiences to try and connect with your partner.
After this initial phase is over, you come to a phase where you find something that you BOTH like to do. Instead of doing something that just one person likes, you start to do things that both partners enjoying getting into.
The best way to connect with your partner is to start finding things that interest both partners. Activities such as dancing, drawing, going on rides, playing games and so on are activities that help you to come together. The activities where TEAMWORK is required are the best kind of activities that you should participate in. When you work on a project together, the chemistry between the two of you will start to come alive again.
Make a list of things you might enjoy doing—it doesn’t necessarily have to be with your partner. Next, ask your partner, what they would love to do. Then, find something that you both might enjoy doing and your relationship will immediately start blooming.
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4. Understanding takes time.
One thing that you need to understand is that to understand a person, it takes time. Knowing what a person likes and dislikes is not as simple as just asking what their favorite food or their favorite color is. Getting to really know a person is much deeper than that.
You need to spend some time with your partner in different circumstances. A person is not the same when they are at home and when they are at work. The same person has different aspects to their personality according to the situations. You might normally never shout on your partner, but when someone has managed to make you angry, you might find yourself shouting at him/her for no reason.
Be patient and know that to completely understand a person, it sometimes takes months or even years.
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5. Find quality time to talk about your relationship.
Taking out just as little as half an hour to talk about your relationship can do wonders for your relationship. Find a slot in your weekly schedule where both you and your partner have at least 15 minutes of free time to talk. Set an alarm on your phone as well as your partner’s phone to remind yourself 10 minutes prior to your “quality time.”
Have a free and open discussion where there is no negativity and a lot of acceptance. If it helps, write down points that you want to improve in your relationship and start working on those. Ask your partner questions such as “What do you expect from this relationship?” “What is the level of comfort that you have with me?” “What expectations do you have of me?”
You see, we spend so much time with our partners but we don’t really know what they feel or think about us. We try to find clues about what they want from us or what they want us to improve. Instead of asking their friends or family members about what they want, it would be best to ask them directly.
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We all have always heard the quote that goes as – “Honesty is the best policy.” This is definitely true for any relationship that you want to have. Be honest about what you expect from your partner, be honest about your feelings for them, your expectations, your likes, and dislikes. But most of all, be honest with yourself.
At the end of this all, you can be sure that if you implement these keys to improving your relationship, you will DEFINITELY get great results. Be sure to drop some comments and love down below. Also, if you have some other practical tips and techniques, do share it with us.
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Photo credit: Getty Images