Let’s face it: losing someone stinks. Every time you lose someone, it eats away at your emotions, makes your gut wrench, and overall stinks.
But how do you move on from that? Letting go after divorce or even breakups are oftentimes easier said than done. After all, especially in the realm of divorce, you fell in love and got married, only to lose the love that you shared.
There are a few ways to move on, and we’ll talk about them here. Hopefully, these will help you find closure and make it easier for you.
Cut Ties with Them
The first, and healthiest thing you can do, is cut ties as much as you can. Obviously, if there are kids involved you won’t be able to fully cut ties, but if not, then work on trying to reduce your contact with the other person. Block them on social media, try to lose their number.
This might seem cold, but cutting ties helps with relieving the pain, making it easier for you to
Work on a Positive Attitude
A positive attitude helps with coping. Obviously, you’re hurting, but if you keep on holding onto that hurt, you’ll never move forward, and never be happy again.
There are different ways to achieve a positive attitude throughout all this as well.
For example, keeping the mindset that this is the beginning of a new chapter for yourself helps with moving on.
It certainly is a hard pill to swallow but understand that your attitude on how you approach the situation can change the ultimate outcome of this.
Distractions are healthy. They can help you with moving on and moving forward. Take on a new hobby, work on that project you’ve meant to work on for a long time.
Distractions help with coping. When you’re distracted, you’re not spending your time focused on the loss.
Moving on means you need to move your attention away from the pain you suffered. Even though it isn’t an easy thing, it’s the little things that’ll help you.
Understand why You Feel that Way
A lot of people experience loss, and they think they need to hold back their feelings because it’s “weak.” But it’s not. If you can’t accept your feelings and understand you’re hurting, it’ll make things worse. If you continue to ignore the festering wound, it’ll continue to fester.
You need to face your pain, and from there, look at it. Be with the feelings, understand what you’re feeling, and know that you’re hurting. Accepting that you’re hurting is a way to help mitigate the pain, and remember, knowing is half the battle when it comes to loss and moving forward.
Quit the Fantasies
Do you fantasize about the person coming back? That maybe they’ll suddenly have a change of heart, and everything will be hunky-dory?
Well, the brain is trying to tell you that the pain is something to avoid, so naturally your brain will paint a picture that maybe one day they will show up. It’s done to help keep you away from the pain and grief. But, by learning to accept the pain, and learning to be okay with it, you’ll be much happier.
This is along the same lines as using unhealthy coping mechanisms to avoid the pain. It’s there. The problem is, it’s a band-aid solution so you’ll never recover. Learn to accept the pain, and you’ll realize it will help with moving on.
Remember, fantasies are nice, but moving on means accepting the reality that’s there.
Learn to Forgive
I’m sure you’re hurting.
But you need to understand that forgiving the other person is really important. Even though they might’ve hurt you, or done you dirty, you need to forgive.
Forgiveness is one of the steps used to move forward. When you fully forgive, you’ll realize it’s possible to let go.
Getting the heart of it will sting. Sometimes you’ll realize it’s your fault, whether fully or partially. But you need to practice forgiving them, and understanding that in order to heal completely, you must forgive.
Understand That Grief is a Process
Grief isn’t something that magically goes away. It’s something that requires lots of time and effort to let go. You shouldn’t think you’ll magically get better in a day or two, or even in a week.
Some people act like they’ve moved on after a week, but that isn’t the case. Usually, they’re deluding yourself, and haven’t really moved on.
The grieving process, including denial, anger, the bargaining stage, depression, and finally acceptance, is of course all a part of this. Very few people don’t experience this, so understand that going through these stages will help you move on.
Get Help to Move on
Finally, after all of this, you still feel the feeling of I can’t get over her then you need to seek out help to move on. Therapy exists for a reason. With therapy, you’ll sit down with a practitioner to help you move forward. It’s quite remarkable what therapy can do for you.
Sometimes, the loss is so significant that you need extra help to move on, and that’s why therapy exists. So don’t think it’s a bad thing if you need to get therapy.
Remember, everyone has a different way of grieving and everyone takes a different amount of time to move on. But, moving on helps free up your attention from the pain you suffered, and from there, you’ll be able to truly experience happiness, and move on with your life.
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