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In past centuries, we were guided by social norms on exactly what to do or say when it came time to pop the question. There was an established cultural template to guide us, as well as an abundance of avuncular advice on how to get over our understandable hesitation or manifest nervousness.
Today, it’s a different issue. We have much more freedom on how to ask a simple question that could change the course of our life– perhaps, some might justifiably argue, a little too much freedom. Maybe, as adults, we should temper that “freedom” with some introspection first?
Since it’s much easier in our day to make a complete fool of yourself, how do you pop the question without being gauche and without going overboard?
How to Ask
Here are two ideas that work well because they have the right blend of spice and romance. They will work if you already have a strong inkling of the answer. They provide an elegant way of popping the question. If you’re uncertain about the response, then you haven’t given your courtship enough time to blossom.
1. Visit a trendy jewelry boutique.
Getting a custom engagement ring through a reputable jeweler is a good place to start, as this will enable you to offer a one-of-a-kind ring to the love of your life. Many places, like Diamonds Forever, a jewelry boutique in San Diego, help strip the gravity of the occasion by providing a relaxed and friendly atmosphere. When both of you feel comfortable and well-guided, finding the perfect piece becomes a delightful shared experience.
2. Find the right moment to ask.
The reason why asking is difficult is because everything appears to hang in the balance. Before asking, there is always the possibility of either getting a “yes” or a “no.” However, after asking the question, then all possibilities collapse and there is a definitive answer.
As a result of the delicacy of the moment, you may feel nervous. Effective ways to muster the courage and set the stage to pop the question and collapse the wave of probability is to rehearse and set the stage.
Rehearsing is basically about coming up with the right words, making the question as simple and as clear as possible. It’s not about making a speech, delivering an argument, or resorting to rhetoric. It’s simply about asking a straightforward question without sounding either timid or demanding. Talk to your dog or cat, a picture, an imaginary person—the idea is to hear your own voice say the words. However, if any of these test subjects actually answer you, another type of test may be in order.
Setting the stage is about making it comfortable for her. By now you probably know the settings where she feels most at ease. Perhaps, she loves camping or going for walks in the park, and becomes a calm and even-minded person during those occasions. That is the perfect time to ask.
Bad Advice to Avoid
When you ask your family or friends for advice, chances are high that they will propose a romantic solution that works great in chick flicks but is awkward and embarrassing in real life. It’s awkward for you and embarrassing for her.
1. Hiding behind technology.
Probably the most uncouth, cowardly, and tasteless way to ask is to hide behind technology. Proposing to your partner on your mobile phone or via email is pretty impersonal. Doing it on Pinterest, Instagram, Twitter, or Facebook completely strips away all intimacy. While you might get plenty of likes from everyone from friends to complete strangers, you are simply putting your partner on the spot.
2. Getting too dramatic.
The purpose of a chick flick is to provide entertainment and amusement. This is why it’s fine in a movie for a hero but you are putting your partner on the spot when you go overboard. Some of the worst ways to propose include using a flash mob, doing it in a public place, or on the big screen of a sporting event.
Sincerity Is What Counts
Ultimately, nothing trumps sincerity when popping the question. Putting pressure on yourself to appear confident can be too nerve wracking. If you’re sincere, it doesn’t matter if you don’t speak clearly, can’t maintain direct eye contact, or fail to use strong body language. Even if you stammer, say it all wrong, or add the wrong inflection, you’ll be forgiven. What counts is to be sincere.
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