How To Re-Parent Yourself

The Gist of it All

During our childhood we learn many things. We learn how to make boundaries and hold them. We learn what relationships look like. We learn to process our emotions. All of this impacts us for the rest of our lives.

We live in a world where most children are born into a home where their parents are simply repeating the actions that their parents, and their parents parents passed down.

Parents can only provide a conscious upbringing if that is what they have learned, and in most situations no one has taught them this. So unless your parents went out of their way to teach themselves that their actions and lives consciously affect their children they fall into this category.

You might be thinking that you’re childhood is over and that the damage is already done, but to put an end to the cycle of unconscious parenting you have to reparent yourself. You can only give others what you have practiced giving yourself.

Reparenting is a unique opportunity to heal and consciously choose a different, and more positive, line of behavior.

Signs that you might need reparenting can be…

Being self-critical and overly harsh with yourself.
Not setting healthy boundaries and allowing yourself to do things that make you feel unhealthy and unsafe.
Ignoring your feelings or having trouble expressing them.
Difficulty regulating emotions.
Difficulty treating yourself with patience and kindness.

If you fall into these categories you might find yourself in need of reparenting.

Reparenting is giving your adult self what your parents didn’t give you when you were a child.

The first step to reparenting yourself is identifying your needs. It can be difficult to identify these needs. However, you will find that as you begin the process of reparenting it is easier to recognize your needs.

Social-emotional skills/needs that are often neglected in childhood include…

Communication Skills
Self-Care
Awareness and acceptance of your feelings
Emotional regulation
Self-Validation
Boundaries and healthy relationships
Self-discipline
Accountability
Self-compassion
Resiliency
Frustration tolerance

How do we fix these things that feel so incomprehensible to our adult selves?

Learn what you can about the areas you know you struggle with.
Look for role models and teachers in your life that can be an example for you in the skills/needs you struggle with.
See a therapist. A therapist is a great guide for someone who is just beginning the process of reparenting themselves.
Don’t expect immediate results or perfection.
Journal
Pay attention to your needs.
Reward yourself for small successes.

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Previously published on medium

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