How To Separate Yourself From Toxicity

The past. We will leave that behind.

The Future. Will stay the same, unless you change your mind.

I can’t even begin to explain the significance of the picture above.

I’m not Chinese, never traveled to the Orient, and at first glance, I don’t get its existence as to the relevance, nor as to how it relates to this post, but there it is — and maybe that’s the point.

From my perspective, I see 2 inanimate figures in juxtaposition to each other — placed against an angry red background (possibly against their will) seemingly with a sense of self-importance, bordering on disdain, for each other. It (most likely) can’t be prejudice, for they are similar in ethnicity. Perhaps if they could speak, they would be outwardly shunning each other’s opinions, thoughts, feelings towards the values they hold in their hearts to be true. — Or — maybe I’m just searching for meaning to my existence, right now, by analyzing and trying to justify my own significance. Again, maybe that’s the point.

People are mean, and they steal your dreams.

Well, not ALL people, and not ALL dreams. Just the ones that seem to matter to you. If there is a construct to inviting dreams to manifest, and permitting toxicity to flow into them, I don’t see it… yet.

Is it a question of enlightenment? Perhaps I’m not being clear or focused enough on my goals.

Do I have goals? (Note to self: try to find goals that speak louder).

Right now, my goal is to get through this post… But why am I in a hurry??… why do I feel the NEED to rush the creative process?

Here’s why:

Because, I know that at any given moment, members of my family may be waking up. And I know that at any given moment, members of my family could be walking into my room as I am typing, and ask me what I am doing. A simple question, quite obvious, really “What are you doing?”… but it stops the flow and redirects my focus. It’s not a feeling of guilt or shame, because I know I’m not doing anything wrong/immoral/illegal … In fact, in my mind, I’m being both creative and productive… It’s just… Now I have to EXPLAIN what I am doing. *Cue the mental armor*

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Suddenly, there in that moment as my thoughts are spilling out on the page, I’m interrupted and my sense of purpose is in question. (a derailment of my train of thought) ./././ (this is a representation of my train getting derailed, just go with it, don’t judge, or do, maybe that’s the point.. ok getting back on subject).

Now, I am faced with a new dilemma how to explain to them, the significance of what I am doing AND the realization that they won’t see it. Instantaneously, this makes me question the value of what I am saying, and NOW I am faced with the rejection or potential ridicule of their opinion as to the validity of my how I’m spending my time. Thus, causing ME to question what I am doing, and is it worth doing at all.

It Only Takes One “That’s Stupid” to Crush

My self-worth is not based on the opinion of others. This is a bold statement. (Quick, somebody highlight this, before I forget!)

If I were to adopt this creed in my life, and with overwhelming frequency, and believed it — it may be just strong enough to build a sturdy tower to defend against the slings and arrows that are aimed at me in the form of the careless words that toxic people throw.

Now, it’s important to make the distinction, the people, themselves are not toxic, but the speed and flippancy at which they deliver their toxic messages are … Often effortlessly, without care to feelings, or to preserving the sacred dignity of original thought… Just because it’s my thought, doesn’t make it right, or sacred, but they should, at the very least, respect my thoughts, even if they don’t “buy” into them. But then again, if my self-worth is truly not based on the opinion of others, then it shouldn’t matter, and maybe that’s the point.

My daughter, innocent and beautiful as she is, loves to get lost in her toys. One simple inanimate (oh… so… cute) figure (usually in the form of a unicorn, or mermaid) will send her mind soaring in a million creative directions at once.

I LOVE that about her.

Suddenly songs, brilliant and spontaneous, fill the air, as she explodes with inexpressible delight. Countless stories abound while characters great and small take place in the tall-as-the-heaven tales that play out in the theater of her creative mind. ALL her toys have life, purpose, and meaning to her, and her universe is forever expanded. I stand behind her enthusiasm. But more importantly, because I love her, I can appreciate her joy even if it doesn’t affect me the same way.

Value is not based on what she does, but who she is. (Quick, somebody highlight this, before I forget!)

Sometimes, intentions are stronger than words. Life is darker with your eyes closed, you miss far too much around you. The freedom lies in letting go.

I cut negativity and Toxicity from the same cloth. You find yourself excited to share something and fill your balloon to the brim with the air of your own words — what matters to you, fearing the pop. When it happens, It’s loud, and scary when hopes are dashed on the floor without regard. Once the bonds that hold everything together are tethered, it takes an inner strength to find the ability to repair, refill, and rise again.

People seem to find comfort in lists — so here we go (in NO particular order)

Scream your truth at the top of your lungs — but only to yourself. If you were to do this aloud, they may lock you up. But no worse than the prison we put ourselves through when we are enslaved to the negative comments of others.
When you extend your olive branch, be sure you have enough tree left to stand on. Your human nature will want to hold a grudge against their toxic words. When offering forgiveness, give of it freely, but don’t expect it come back to in the same measure. The roots of your convictions will hold you firmly in place.
Be fearless in your fearlessness. Worth comes from within. So easy to let the words of others take us down. Don’t let them — This speaks directly to your sense of authenticity.
Keep your tendency to throw boomerangs at bay — There is a powerful thought process that revolves around the concept of the words you say coming back to haunt you. The primary goal of any relationship should be to preserve and protect the harmony you share. Don’t ruin with thoughts of retaliation.
Toxicity happens around you, don’t let it become you. So cliche, yet so true — We become what we think about. Enough said.

You Hid Something Obvious from Me

Often times, the things we are looking for the most, are right in front of us the whole time. We just don’t recognize it because we are too busy searching for response/acceptance. Head down. Focused inward.

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People don’t seek out Toxicity, it finds them. The small elements of toxic thought/words begin to accumulate, and permeate everyday conversation, and that negativity is spread to others.

Perhaps it springs from wells of bitterness. Those quiet unfought battles that continue to rage — never conquered. Or perhaps, it finds itself in the hiding in the shadows, the shelter of the lesser known innocent notions of unfulfilled expectations… The point being that when it happens to you, and it will, not to personalize, but reflect on areas that you can change to make yourself more resilient and powerful for the next time it happens. — Future proof your life.

If I look back at the picture of the 2 Asian figures at the start of this post, maybe I was wrong —

Then again, maybe it is just simply, an unassuming image of 2 friendly figurines (possibly salt shakers), placed inexplicitly sharing a distant conversation of support for each other in search of their own significance — OR — I’m just flatly misinterpreting the significance of the image altogether. Maybe I’m the one who is salty. After all, it’s all in the interpretation.

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Previously published on “A Parent Is Born”, a Medium publication.

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