Have you heard of the Enneagram test? It’s a personality tool to learn more about yourself, your dreams, your fears, and your desires. We all go through childhood, and although some are easier than others, no-one goes through childhood unscathed. Each of us gets a set of desires, dreams, and fears that dictate our personality.
As we learn more about our Enneagram, we can use this as a tool for understanding and self-growth. We also use this tool to create strategies that promote self-love and self-care, knowing that for each of us, it will look a little different.
Everyone has a primary enneagram number that dictates their main desires and core fears. Then we have two more enneagram numbers that represent our enneagram tritype — which we also rely on to understand our world. A FREE test to see what your enneagram number and tritype is here, or a shorter test is here. The Enneagram personality system is definitely becoming more popular over time, and this tool can be a great way to connect with others — and of course, yourself!
So, do you know which self-love practices are best for you and your Enneagram type? Read more below!
Enneagram One
Type 1: The Reformer | Desires to be good and have integrity; fears being defective, corrupt, and evil
Enneagram ones are a rational, principled type. Think Mahatma Gandhi, Nelson Mandela, or Michelle Obama. They are hard workers who usually suppress their emotions to be in a state of constantly “doing.” They strive to do the right thing, but are also afraid of making mistakes.
Self-Love Practices
- Practice releasing your anger and connecting to your emotions. Take time to journal or go to therapy sessions to have an emotional release about how you feel about the world. Resist the urge to hold back your anger and release your need to be perfect. You’re allowed to experience the emotional messiness of the crazy world. Allow yourself to be free to feel 🙂
- Set time to practice joy, even daily. You could dance in your room or sign up for an adventure class, where you don’t need to be perfect. Yes! Allow yourself to experience the joy of an activity, without it needing to go perfectly. Just allow yourself to be.
“Embrace the messy”
Enneagram Two
Type 2: The Helper | Desires to be loved; fears being unworthy of love, unwanted
Enneagram twos are empathetic and warm-hearted. Think Dolly Parton, Elizabeth Taylor, and Nancy Reagan. They are friendly and generous, but can also be people-pleasing and self-sacrificial. They want to be loved, and typically have a hard time expressing their own needs.
Self-Love Practices:
- Take some alone time to treat yourself to something you want. You deserve to invest in yourself, so do something you’d like, like taking yourself out to eat or getting a massage.
- Practice meditation or anything to connect to your body and how you feel. This will allow you to be more self-nurturing and self-aware, which brings you into a healthier state.
“Make yourself happy”
Enneagram Three
Type 3: The Achiever | Desires to be valued and worthwhile; fears being worthless
Enneagram threes are ambitious, self-assured, and charming. Think Will Smith, Ryan Seacrest, and Oprah Winfrey. With energy and charisma, they can also be status-conscious and overly concerned with what others think of them.
Self-Love Practices:
- An introspective practice like meditation or journaling will allow you to connect to your true feelings so that you become more attuned to what you really want, instead of making decisions to be liked by others. This also allows you to slow down, which is something many workaholic threes need.
- Reach out to a friend! Develop cooperation in your relationships, by taking the time to help people and learn about what they need. As three’s become more committed and cooperative, they start to become healthier and feel better. A few short, but meaningful conversations can allow you to become a more faithful, committed friend.
“Show up honestly”
Enneagram Four
Type 4: The Individualist | Desires to have an identity and be significant; fears insignificance
Enneagram fours are self-aware, emotionally honest, and creative. Think Nicolas Cage, Prince, and Frida Kahlo. More of a withdrawn type, they are typically sensitive and reserved, while also being melancholy and self-conscious.
Self-Love Practices:
- Practice gratitude, whether in a journal or out loud. Fours often see the negative side, but looking at what you’re grateful for will allow you to bring out the positives in the world and see your life in a better light.
- Fours are often expressive and emotional, and having a balanced grounded practice like meditation will allow them to stay calmer and connected to their body. You can achieve a state of equanimity, which is healthy for a Four (and spiritually connecting — which many Fours like).
“Come to balance”
Enneagram Five
Type 5: The Investigator | Desires to be capable and competent; fears incompetence, uselessness
Enneagram fives are alert, cerebral, and inquisitive. Think Bill Gates, Jane Goodall, and Emily Dickinson. They are independent and inventive, but they sometimes become detached and isolated, focusing more on concepts than the real world.
Self-Love Practices:
- Stay connected to your physicality and the physical world by exercising and working out. Doing so at a gym or near people also allows you to become less isolated and more connected to the external world, rather than your internal learnings and knowledge.
- Reach out to close friends to engage in meaningful relationships. Fives tend to be more emotionally guarded, by realizing it can be safe to trust with good friendships will allow you to really come out of your shell and into a healthier version of yourself.
“Go out, unplug”
Enneagram Six
Type 6: The Loyalist | Desires security and support; fears being without support or guidance
Enneagram sixes are loyal, responsible, and committed. Think Mark Twain, Prince Harry, and Malcolm X. They are hard-working and trustworthy, while also often feeling suspicious and anxious. They are great at fostering cooperation — but can be rebellious and have self-doubts.
- Engage in an empowering workout to help you see your strength and inherent ability. It will help you realize your own source of stability and strength- and boost your self-confidence.
- When anxious, name your fears. Then work with a therapist or write down on your own, the top 10–15 ways you are safe. Notice what people and things around you are already supporting you — and how you can trust more than you realize.
“Find your inner stability”
Enneagram Seven
Type 7: The Enthusiast | Desires being content; fears being deprived and in pain
Enneagram sevens are spontaneous, extroverted, and optimistic. Think Miley Cyrus, Jim Carrey, and Mick Jagger. They are playful, fun, and high-spirited, but their constant desire to seek new things can leave them constantly busy and scattered.
Self-Love Practices:
- Learn to choose quality over quantity, by engaging in balanced behaviors. Try limiting all of your tasks and spread them out over a longer period of time, so that you have the chance to focus and enjoy each activity you are interested in. Learning to focus and savor experiences will allow you to live a more balanced, healthy life.
- If you’re feeling anxious or antsy to start a new project, take that as a sign to meditate or connect to your feelings. Go take a walk in nature, or do something to encourage yourself to reflect on what you’re feeling. Then, check-in with yourself to see if you have space even to take on a new project.
“Slow down and savor”
Enneagram Eight
Type 8: The Challenger | Desires control and to protect themselves; fears being harmed or controlled by others
Enneagram eights are confident, decisive, and willful — true powerhouses. Think of Barbara Walters, Winston Churchill, and Clint Eastwood. They are protective and straightforward, but can also be domineering and intimidating.
Self-Love Practices:
- Schedule a heart-to-heart with a friend or family member you love. Eights, when healthy, are caring and kind — but this happens when they realize vulnerability is safe. Allow the people who love you to see how amazing you are. And let the people you care about know you care about them.
- Ask someone for help. Eights want to be self-sufficient, but the reality is, we need people in our lives. By asking someone you care about for help, you are allowing yourself to see you don’t have to do this thing called life all on your own.
“Be vulnerable”
Enneagram Nine
Type 9: The Peacemaker | Desires inner stability; fears separation and loss
Enneagram nines are reassuring, stable, and peaceful. Think Abraham Lincoln, Aubrey Hepburn, and Zooey Deschanel. They are creative, optimistic, and supportive — but can also be complacent and have problems with inertia.
Self-Love Practices:
- Recognize that you have emotions, feelings, and things you disagree with in others — that deserve to be heard too. Practice advocating for your needs — and take action on saying what you want. Many nines are “spiritual seekers” so take the time to meditate, visualize, or pray about advocating for your needs.
- Work on connecting to the physical world, by exercising and working out. This will also minimize the natural inertia many nines have.
“Action and advocate”
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You got this!
Photo by Miguel Bruna on Unsplash
You deserve to show yourself love, and how that may look will likely be different based on your needs. Hopefully, the Enneagram personality tool provided you with some perspective on some great ways to show yourself self-love.
So which Enneagram are you?
❤
N
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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White Fragility: Talking to White People About Racism | Escape the “Act Like a Man” Box | The Lack of Gentle Platonic Touch in Men’s Lives is a Killer | What We Talk About When We Talk About Men |
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Photo credit: Sylvain Brison on Unsplash