How to Swim in Feelings Without Drowning

REACTIVE THOUGHTS

Are you overwhelmed by another’s insecurities? Do you feel someone is too much for you to deal with? Is another breaking your peace constantly?

If you answer yes, you might not be in control of your own emotions.

LACKING RESPONSE

Society has crafted entire business models around catering to what instantly feels good. Whether it is fast food restaurants, convenience stores on the corner or artificial intelligence which instantly gives you an answer for your homework — everyone is catering towards instant reaction.

The conditioning of society is conditioning our emotions as well.

We have replaced feelings’ role in our minds. Where before we took feelings as notifications — they are now taken as fact. Your truth is synonymous with the truth. The goal is to be happy not navigate tough times together. Arguments are seen as fights because it’s uncomfortable to have your ego challenged. God forbid anyone be wrong or find a more efficient way of doing something that works.

When most people feel bad, they believe it’s bad. When most people feel attacked, they believe they are attacked. When most people feel they’re betrayed, they believe they are betrayed.

Unfortunately, nothing could be further from the truth.

INTENTIONS MATTER

Do you know the difference between a mistake and a bad choice? Most seem to lump them together.

A mistake is when a well-intentioned person believes they are making the right choice for good outcomes but are either 1) ignorant of potential consequences or 2) unaware of potentially bad outcomes.

A bad choice is when someone knows the choice they make will result in bad consequences or outcomes but chooses to do so anyways because of some form of justification.

The difference is very easy to identify. It involves knowing the outcome or not knowing the outcome. A mistake contains no malice. A bad choice might contain malice, ill intent or total disregard (i.e. the person just doesn’t care). When you feel anything, you should pause. Ask this simple question, “Did they know this bad outcome would happen or not?”

If the answer is no. Than you can offer grace as it was a mistake. This simple example is a response. Unfortunately, nearly everyone is reacting now a days. I’ve written extensively about how you can develop techniques to improve response ability. You’re more than welcome to read more in my published article in Hello Love called “Reacting With Your Lowest Impulse Is Why You Argue” if interested.

Your goal in a relationship should not be to make your spouse “behave”. Your goal in a relationship should be to make your spouse “better”. If you’re getting mad at mistakes you sound like a child telling someone to do what you want or else. Do you want to be a child or an adult? I’m hoping adult. Adults please read on.

COMPOSURE TO THINK NAVIGATES ANOTHER’S EMOTIONAL WAVE

If most of your fights result from someone saying something to you where you instantly offend — you’re a reactive person. Be honest. Just admit it.

Reactive people often suffer from lack of emotional regulation. The moment a feeling comes, it compels action. The action can be in word, deed or thought. Reactive people make statements instead of asking questions. Reactive people escalate though posture and tone instead of deescalating by sitting down and inviting another to talk. Reactive people think they are under attack instead of becoming curious where someone arrived at their conclusion.

To ride the tide of another’s emotional wave just say to yourself, “I don’t understand where this is coming from.” Once you do that ask questions. The more questions you ask, the more you discover. Once the brain is posed with a question it must find an answer.

Start looking for answers instead of looking for fights.

IN CLOSING

Sign up for free to listen free of charge to my chapter in “Many Paths To Profit” to read about how I look at things. My dynamic form of observing and reframing will help you to accomplish things like what we have discussed in today’s article. I have a free podcast called Hustle Kick as well which teaches you how to hustle for free.

You can pick up a copy of my international best-selling and award winning book, “I Made It Then I Didn’t” as well for a deeper insight on some of the psychology I use to take me through difficult circumstances.

Reactions often involve thoughtless compulsion. Responses are thoughtful. Instant responses are trained through repetition, practice and thoughtful discourse when emotions are largely absent. You can instantly respond to an insult with a tool or technique if you’ve studied it. So read above and learn how to instantly respond.

To Your Knowledge Success!

Sources

1) The life of Christopher Knight Lopez a Professional Hustler turned International Best Seller and Published Author of “I Made It Then I Didn’t”.

2) As Hyperlinked throughout the article.

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Not a form of investment advice. Please consult a professional registered to give you advice about your individual circumstance. This article is for educational purposes and entertainment purposes only. Please do not email the author about advice on investing or strategies on making investments.

About Christopher: Christopher Knight Lopez is a Professional Hustler turned International Best Seller, Award Winner of the December 2024 prestigious International Impact Book Awards — a premier award program dedicated to celebrating and recognizing the exceptional work of authors around the globe and Published Author of “I Made It Then I Didn’t”. He is also a Co-Author with Kevin “The Shark” Harrington “Many Paths To Profit”. See more at www.christopherklopez.com.