There is something extra special about receiving a love letter; the tangible representation of effort, seeing the words in their handwriting, being able to read it over and over again.. Thought, intent, and effort are all displayed in romantic letters, and they never fail to make me feel genuinely loved.
I like writing love letters, too. It is a way for me to express my love and for my partner to receive my love. Especially being in a long-distance relationship where I cannot have physical touch (my love language), letters combine both words of affirmation and gift-giving (which are my second and third love languages).
When I do sit down to write one of these letters, though, I sometimes feel at a loss for words. I might have so much I want to say at once that it’s difficult to find a single strain of thought, I may put too much pressure on myself to write the perfect letter, or I simply cannot put my emotions into words.
As I am half way through writing multiple open-when letters for my girlfriend, this has posed a challenge, but one I welcome.
Here are some tips which have helped me to write love letters without stressing too much:
1. Realize they won’t judge the letter like you do
Put yourself in their shoes. Do you really care if there’s a word spelled wrong, a small repetition, or an overly-cheesy sentence in a love letter? Probably not. Just knowing that they took the time to write for you brings joy, and you are unlikely to pick apart what they say.
You should believe the same about your partner. They aren’t going to judge you; they will be elated that you took the time to write for them.
Hopefully this takes some pressure off of you, so you can get to the next step in letter-giving: writing it.
2. Make use of pet names
Skip this step if you and your partner are solely on a first-name basis, but many couples use nicknames to address one another, such as “baby,” “babygirl,” “love,” “sweetheart,” “honey,” “cutie,” and “daddy” (sorry about the last one).
Using these pet names in your letter will remind your partner that you are addressing them specifically; that those words of love are dedicated to your lover. It will also show your warmth toward them, and remind them that they are special to you (chances are, they don’t go around calling everyone “babydoll”).
3. Remind them of why you love them
Saying “I love you” is powerful, but the phrase can be overused and therefore watered-down of meaning.
If you really want your partner to believe that you love them (which is the whole purpose of the letter, right?), don’t only tell them that you love them, but tell them why. This will not only assure them that what you are saying is true, but it will also show them that you are paying attention to their unique qualities and quirks.
4. Use sensual language
You can evoke someone’s senses even through words, meaning you have the potential to create a warm, fuzzy feelings in your partner with your letter (assuming you’re not evoking the smell of rotten eggs or the texture of sandpaper).
Use adjectives with positive and romantic connotations such as smooth, silky, soft, warm, sweet, flowery, fresh, beautiful, shining, and ringing (but don’t overdo it and give every noun an adjective).
Here are some examples of the 5 senses (sight, sound, smell, touch, and taste) being used descriptively in writing.
5. Describe something you want to do with them
Use sensual language (#4) for this.
They aren’t with you while reading the letter, but they want to be. Assure them that you also wish you were with them by writing about what you would be doing if you were together, or what you want to do together some day.
Tell your partner how you want to hold them, what you want to whisper in their ear, and what you want to do in bed. Describe your perfect morning together, your perfect evening, or your perfect date night.
This will allow them to imagine whatever it is you are imagining, give them something to look forward to, and reassure them of your happy future together.
6. Remind them that you are there for them and want the best for them
One of the many benefits of a relationship is mutual support. For this reason, remind them that you will stand by their side no matter what, promise to always take the time to listen to them — striving to understand how their mind works — and that you will provide comfort when they need comforting.
We also want to see our partner thrive doing what they love and what makes them happy. Encourage them to achieve their dreams (and that they can), to grow and become their best selves, and tell them that you fully support them on their endeavors.
7. Show them appreciation
What does your partner add to your life? In what ways do they make your life better and make you a better person? What positive changes have you experienced in your life since meeting them?
Tell them! Thank them and let them know that they are valued and appreciated for all that they do, and that they have a positive impact on your life.
8. Most importantly, write from the heart
What matters most is that your letter has your own unique voice and genuine feelings toward the person. Do not say things that are untrue just because you think they sound nice or it’s what they want to hear, but write what feels right to you. And don’t be afraid to be cheesy!
This post was previously published on Hello, Love.
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