As we all might agree that building trust and breaking trust are sitting on the complete opposite of the spectrum, time-wise. One requires a constant amount of work, the other does not really require anything. Something so simple can even handle it. Also, it can raise some questions such as:
What if I have broken someone’s trust without being aware of it?
What if years passed but I have not still figured it out?
This probability increases if the person in question is a sensitive one. So here are some of the things that you might remember doing that have broken someone’s trust in you and if you think some of them might be irrelevant then I invite you to start empathizing:
…
1. You talk back to someone
Even if you have never talked behind that person you want to keep the trust with, but they heard you talk back to someone else, why do you assume they would not be convinced that you talked about them either? Gossiping is not a tolerable act, thus a good reason for anyone to lose trust in you.
Even though you two enjoy having conversations about others’ lives, the odds are that person nurtures some doubts and only joins this activity because it suits them somehow. When the time to prove one’s trust comes, do you think they believe you will be there for them or you will talk back to them as well?
…
2. Your promise or swear too much
We all know keeping our words all the time is not very possible, and we all can tolerate when someone is not able to keep their pledge. Because life happens, and we are not in control of everything.
Yet, despite knowing this fact, if you still promise too much you kind of give an impression of accepting to breaking trust knowingly. This can influence someone’s reliance on you subconsciously. If everyone knows that despite promising, one cannot be loyal to their promises all the time, then why would you try to convince others that you can? It sounds a bit intriguing, is not it?
…
3. Judging too much
Just like gossiping, judging someone in front of others can be a big turnoff and make others stay away from you before they even consider trusting you. Tolerance is a big sign of someone that has an open mind and everyone would love to hang around open-minded people.
Being judgmental brings “heads-up” with itself to who you are talking to unless they are as judgmental as you are. However, trusting someone who is way too judging is like waiting for fire not to burn the wooden house. Think about it, would you tell your deepest secrets or weird stuff about you to someone who is always in the process of producing some opinions regarding others’ lives? Why would they not do the same for you?
…
4. Keeping how you feel to yourself and not reacting or reacting in one way only
I don’t want to touch upon the people who are suffering from mood disorders here, however, if you change your opinions about a matter very quickly, or react to same certain things in different ways in a very short period of time, this can confuse people a lot and make them think which one of you is real? The more they are bewildered by your reactions, the more it will harden the process of building trust.
Also not talking about your feelings can raise some doubts as well. Trust requires effort from two sides, and if only one person is giving without receiving, at some point, they will second-guess the relationship and doubt your sincerity in this.
…
5. You are not punctual despite promising
If you are a member of the gang that loves to make fake promises about their arrival time, chances are your friends have already lost their trust in you in that regard. However, it is also possible that you would not be the first person that comes to their mind when they need to talk about something confidential or share anything private.
…
6. Not listening and being distracted in a conversation
Not being able to keep the conversation, not keeping eye contact, and constantly searching or looking at others, can push away others from wanting to meet you again, leave alone trusting you. Having trust requires respect, understanding, and most of all, listening.
Ask yourself: “Why would anyone ever decide to trust me, if I cannot maintain a true and quality conversation with them?” In other words, why would they trust you if the time and energy they invest in you are simply in vain? Be a good listener and be fully present. This will tremendously affect the way they see you.
…
7. Changing your mind and forgetting about the old thinking as if u never had that
Changing opinions is okay as we always grow and work on ourselves, however, if you act as you have never had that opinion or never thought in a particular way, then people — who quite remember that you did, will question their trust in you. Yes, you might forget something, but disgracing or insulting someone who thinks the way you used to think is a red flag for others to stay away from you for good.
If you are uncertain about a matter or a situation, then kindly mention that rather than forming an opinion without giving much thought into it just for the sake of involving in a conversation.
—
This post was previously published on medium.com.
***
You may also like these posts on The Good Men Project:
White Fragility: Talking to White People About Racism | Escape the “Act Like a Man” Box | The Lack of Gentle Platonic Touch in Men’s Lives is a Killer | What We Talk About When We Talk About Men |
—
Photo credit: Toa Heftiba from at Unsplash