Although, sad news for my parents expecting an elaborate African wedding because I might never love again.
Not because I just don’t want to, but I have had a series of events that made me feel it’s best not to love again.
I joined the romantic race right when I clocked sixteen. That was when I had my first girlfriend.
Oh! I was in love, but disappointment soon crashed the ball. Ditto for two other relationships I have had since then.
Now, I know that is not enough reason to never want to love again, but these three thoughts are a full-range course for that belief.
Men or women are scum
Well, so they say. The woke generation.
Look, don’t get me wrong. I know there is no tomorrow. All I ask is — Adele.
Just like Adele said, all I ask is to feel love.
Sometimes I wonder if half the married folks are in love or just holding on because they have kids and have invested in the relationship emotionally.
Before my second relationship, if I was asked this question; Do you feel women are scum?
I would have nodded with a raging no.
But after the relationship, I would say yes or maybe.
That is the same for most women. They believe men are scum.
Most folks who claim to be in love also have this belief but won’t say it.
Now, is that conscious deceit called love? When someone who claims to love you also believes that men or women are scum.
Discriminated poor men and rich unfaithful men
We are now in a society that seems to blame some men for not being successful.
If a poor man can’t get a beautiful woman, why shouldn’t a rich man have more than one woman?
It’s absurd I know!
But there is some truth in it. It doesn’t really apply to older folks, but from the Millennials downwards, it’s all rage.
Society discriminates against men who are not so successful and guards them against having or getting their desired partner.
But the same society also blames them when they become rich and decide to opt for more than one partner.
Now, is there truly love anywhere?
A question that purges the heart
If you are a woman reading this, please answer sincerely — Can you die for your partner?
If you are a man reading this too — Can you die for your partner?
Don’t blame me yet. I didn’t start this.
Recently, a social experiment was observed and that question was asked. The answers were tremendous.
I would let you be the judge of it, by watching it here;
But why would you do otherwise if you do claim to love your partner? Even loyal marines jump on landmines for their fellow mates to walk safely.
But husbands won’t for their wives, and wives wouldn’t do so for their husbands. These are folks who have chosen to be together through the ‘best of perfect’ and through the ‘worst of awful’.
…
Now is there truly love anywhere?
The well-proclaimed love of;
- Storms and thunder.
- Romeo and Juliet.
- Five and six.
Deep down, most folks are merely carrying out the schedules of society.
We’ve all been taught to find love in someone else at some point. But we are not told that it should only be natural and not forced.
It should not be pushed, pull, or influenced by any of the following;
30 years time lapse — Never cross 30 without being married. If you don’t get married by 30, your world might crumble.
Peer pressure storm — That is when you know internal pressure is the greatest pressure.
When you get three wedding invitations from your friends all at once. You then start to imagine how ill-lucky you are.
Society whispers — At this point your ears are full. This is where most folks have made mistakes. Listening to the murmurs of society and getting along with the wrong person.
Formal discrimination — You might not believe it, but some women are discriminated against in work environments for certain opportunities because they are not married. They end up forcing themselves on someone who doesn’t love them as much.
Love should be natural and given freely. It doesn’t matter if yours came earlier in life, or if it will come later in life. But ensure it happens with free will.
I may never love again. But if I do, it won’t be because of the 30 years time-lapse, peer pressure storm, society whispers, or formal discrimination.
It has to be a result of fate — If it’s not 100% I don’t want it.
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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You may also like these posts on The Good Men Project:
White Fragility: Talking to White People About Racism | Escape the “Act Like a Man” Box | The Lack of Gentle Platonic Touch in Men’s Lives is a Killer | What We Talk About When We Talk About Men |
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Photo credit: Saad Chaudhry on Unsplash