I Believe in Love at First Sight

I believe in love at first sight.

But I didn’t always.

In 2013, the editor of a national outlet asked me to become a columnist. She gave me the choice of topics. At the time, I was going through my divorce.

I walked away from my work as a print journalist, and business columnist to focus on digital journalism. Since that time, I’ve spent more than a decade in the counseling and research of love, and relationships.

Through my work I have heard countless stories of love at first sight.

I’ve also heard the skeptics.

Those who think it’s impossible.

At my son and now daughter-in-law’s wedding this past weekend, my nephew officiated. He made us laugh, and he made us cry as he narrated their love story.

One fateful night they met in a Manhattan bar called Tuttles.

They worked in the same advertising firm but on different teams. They didn’t have the opportunity for their paths to cross. In other words, they didn’t know each other.

But on that night, she made her way over to him.

They were 22 years old.

He was straight out of the University of Georgia, and she was right out of the University of Michigan. They were both excited to be living in the city but not necessarily looking for love.

They hung out that night.

Later, they said their goodbyes.

On the way home, unbeknownst to one another they texted their best friends.

“I think I met the girl I’m going to marry,” texted my son.

“I think I met the guy I’m going to marry,” texted my daughter-in-law.

If you talk to them they both say they knew it immediately. I love their story because I’m connected to them. But it’s not the only love at first sight story I’ve heard.

To the skeptics…

There’s a reason they say love is an enigma.

It’s impossible to quantify.

It’s a spark. It’s a bolt of lightening. For some that hit comes immediately. For others, it’s a slow burn that happens over time. Neither is wrong. It’s simply a different type of combustion.

There’s a lot of controversy over how we define love.

I believe that love is an energy.

One that physically, and emotionally ignites, and exists between two people.

I once wrote, “It’s a combustion of emotional elements that drive something as powerful as ‘being in love’ with another person. It’s an unconscious transference when initial attraction (lust) becomes emotional, not just physical.

On the other hand, if you asked me what’s involved with ‘loving a person,’ I would say something else. Loving an individual involves, caring, respect, friendship, concern, among other things.

I’ve never experienced love at first sight.

I fall into the category most people fall into.

You meet someone that you find attractive. But there’s no immediate spark. There’s no bolt of lightening during that first encounter. The attraction evolves.

While I haven’t experienced love at first sight…

I have twice felt something the ‘first day’ I met someone.

The first time is actually nondescript. But he made enough of an impression on me that I thought about him later.

I was out with friends when a guy came up to me.

“You have eyes that smile,” he said.

I had forgotten people used to say that to me. The unhappiness I had experienced had made me lose that part of myself. He was the furthest thing from my type. But there was something about him.

It was a strange encounter.

A stranger I thought about for a long time after meeting him.

But it wasn’t love at first sight.

There was only one other time I felt something the first time I met someone. We were out in a group at a restaurant. Everyone’s food was delivered but mine.

The guy next to me, turned and offered me some of his sandwich.

When I looked at him, I had to look away.

I was caught off guard.

All I could think was, “What just happened?” “What changed in that moment?” “Did he feel it too?” “Or was it just me?”

I dismissed it because I wasn’t interested in anything.

I told myself I wasn’t attracted to him.

But obviously, that moment told me something else.

Maybe love at first sight happens rarely because both people have to be ready for it. Maybe if I had met that stranger at another time in my life, it may have been something more. If I was happy, and ready for love.

Maybe that’s why it happens less often.

Two people have to be in the same place for the supernatural side of love.

For the magical to occur.

I believe in love at first sight. Even though I’ve never been struck by lightening. Even though I fall into the category of most of the world. Some people do meet immediate magic. Love finds us either with a spark, or a slow burn.

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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From The Good Men Project on Medium

What Does Being in Love and Loving Someone Really Mean?

My 9-Year-Old Accidentally Explained Why His Mom Divorced Me

The One Thing Men Want More Than Sex

The Internal Struggle Men Battle in Silence

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