Today, as I’m trying to enjoy my coffee and avoid any neighbors while I still have sleep in my eyes, I flip through my messages on my column as usual. I’m alarmed within seconds.
A moderator has sent me an e-mail to inform me she is being openly harassed. Of course, I go right over the information to see what is taking place and whom I need to call some unholy names on a Sunday morning.
I take a quick look at the scenario, and it is the former longtime girlfriend of my moderators’ boyfriend. His baby’s mother. His hateful ex, full of ignorance and spewing accusations of my moderator and her boyfriend.
This is not something that needs to be discussed in a very public forum, nor something that needs to be discussed in the accusatory and defaming manner that was quickly evident, as a large portion of the accusations involved treatment of the children.
I immediately did the reasonable thing. I blocked the woman’s’ access, deleted her hateful commentary, and advised my moderator that any circumstance of this nature needs to come to attention immediately.
Then came the questions. “Why are you defending a mistress? Why would you allow such low rent trash to hide behind your brand?”
Hold up.
First of all, if your boyfriend or husband cheats, guess who is at fault? Not the other woman. She doesn’t owe you a damned thing. Nothing. She didn’t promise you anything, nor take any vows. She’s not the father of your children.
Again, she does not owe you shit. Who is at fault? Your husband or boyfriend. Period. I get so sick of hearing these women talk about other women as though they’re the enemy. Stop that. Just stop it. You’re doing the exact opposite of what you should be. You’re laying the blame on someone who isn’t the dude that cheated on you. I can’t wrap my brain around that mentality.
Look, I’ve been cheated on. Several times. I know who cheated on me; the asshole I was dating. The guy who was supposed to be faithful to me. I don’t care if a parade of Brazilian bikini models walked through my living room in a baby oil rainstorm, the guy I’m with shouldn’t even bat an eyelash. Seriously.
I know I’m not the best looking woman ever, but I had better not ever get that vibe from my guy. He assumes a serious responsibility when we begin seeing each other. That is the responsibility of not making me look foolish.
I don’t ever want to hear from someone outside of my home the tawdry details of something taking place inside of my home. In other words, his ass had better not embarrass me. He can either be faithful, or he can be on his way. There are no other choices.
Yet, had he batted an eye during the baby oil rainstorm parade? I wouldn’t be up in the Brazilian bikini model’s personal space, calling her everything but holy. I would be tossing him, and immediately mopping all that baby oil off of my good flooring.
Look, the fact is, when you place blame for a man’s behavior on another woman, you tell him it’s not his fault.
It is his fault. He did it. He did not accidentally do it. He wasn’t forced, nobody made him. No amount of calls, texts, love letters, Hallmark cards, none of that, in any amount can make someone cheat.
He cheated because he’s a cheater.
Stop trashing other women and excusing these cheating, lying men. At some point, you need to realize, the fault lies with the man you excused and allowed to walk all over you. That means, if he’s still there, the fault lies with you as well. Get the cheater out of your life, or stop blaming other women for what you tolerate.
—
Previously Published on Medium
—
Shutterstock image
Plus, don’t worry, karma has a nasty surprise in store for ol girlfriend. Because a leopard doesn’t change its spots. And a cheater will always cheat.