Imagine being manipulated by someone you give your heart to. It’s not a nice feeling, is it?
People change, not only to be the best but also the worst version of themselves. The question many people would ask when they feel like their partner has changed is: how can I fix him/her to where he/she used to be?
If your partner manipulates you, your main problem shouldn’t be how to change them back or fix the ‘broken’ thing — even if it’s for the sake of the relationship.
It’s more of… how can you survive?
Because emotional manipulation does exist. It can destroy your self-worth and add up your past trauma.
Not sure if you’re in one? Let’s take a look at the signs:
When things go down, you get nothing but a silent treatment.
Some behaviors are worth tolerating, but a silent treatment? That’s a deal breaker.
People who like to manipulate others have this tendency; they like to give silent treatment when there’s an issue.
My ex liked to pull this card when he didn’t feel like talking. It was even worse every time we argued.
Instead of talking it through, he’d give me this silent treatment. “to make you regret what you did wrong” — as he said.
But you know what it truly made me feel? I felt sick of him, and the resentment built up. It’s unavoidable.
When proper communication is off the table in a romantic relationship, you don’t even want to bother being in it any longer.
Feeling insecure is your daily thing
Do you feel any difference in how you look at yourself in the mirror? Do you feel better or worse?
Most people in a manipulative relationship would feel the latter. They’d feel so low because the manipulator tells them how they aren’t enough.
If you’ve watched the ‘Love is Blind’ latest season on Netflix, you’ll know what I’m talking about.
There’s a guy named Cole there. And all he says seems to make his partner doubt her self-worth.
He also likes to compare her with other girls. It’s like he regrets choosing her because she isn’t attractive enough for him.
This whole thing will start small, by giving mean comments here and there. But over time, when you keep hearing them, it’ll mess up your self-esteem.
If you felt fine with your weight before, now you start feeling anxious about it. Overall, no one deserves to be talked down and treated like crap.
They make you emotionally dependent on them
Manipulators like that feeling that they’re in control of your life. So, they’ll try as much as they can to make you dependent on them.
I’ve been there where I was emotionally dependent on someone. It means I’d wait for him to compliment me to make me feel good about myself.
Making my own decision was a no because he made me feel like I had to ‘consult’ with him. He decided what was best for me. If this is done long enough, you’ll feel like you lose the power of your own life.
Everything comes back to them and their needs — never yours.
The obvious sign that you might be in a manipulating relationship is to see if your needs ever get fulfilled. Just a reminder, it’s normal to ask your partner for help and to have your needs met.
That’s how a relationship should be. If it’s always about your partner’s need but never yours, you need to question it.
Manipulators will always try to find ways to get what they want but never care about what you want. To call them selfish is an understatement because it’s deeper than that.
Not only do they focus only on their needs, but they also gaslight their partner when they don’t get what they want. It’s freaking scary and mentally draining to deal with.
…
“Can I fix this, or should I just call it a day?”
It took a while to get away from such toxic relationships. It’s a lot easier, if they cheat on you or do some other extreme cases.
This manipulation thing is more subtle. That’s why many people don’t see it as a red flag.
But I can say the damage is bigger.
A manipulative relationship can cause you to lose sight of who you truly are. Also, you can find it harder to move on because of your low self-worth.
So, when you’re thinking about whether or not you should fix it, try to think more of your long-term goal in your love life. I know no one’s perfect, and letting this go doesn’t mean you’ll get someone who’s flawless.
But how much more suffering can you endure by staying in this relationship? Is losing yourself for the sake of being with this person worth it?
You can have high hopes all you want. Perhaps this person can change for the better, and you’ll get your happily-ever-after.
But again, what if you’re wrong to think that no one else out there will love you better?
Starting over is scary, indeed. But remember, someone who loves you won’t make you feel like you’re the worst version of yourself.
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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