I Didn’t Expect This Before Becoming a Parent

Imagine you’re a new parent. You’ve taken prenatal classes and binged parenting videos on YouTube for weeks beforehand, relieved that you know what you’re getting yourself into.

You’ve already imagined the unfathomable sacrifice of time, effort and sleep. Yet, there are many things that your parent friends never talk about voluntarily.

As you hold your newborn in your arms, you begin to acknowledge, in real time, the newly known unknowns. It’s no time to panic, though, because you got this.

Second Night Syndrome

Your newborn baby might be pretty easygoing on its first day and first night. You’ve been rewarded with a peaceful moment after a hectic time leading up to and during childbirth. You’re over the hump now, and if this sets the tone for the future, you’re golden.

Enter the second night. Did a changeling replace your baby during the few hours of sleep you managed at the hospital? Inconsolable, blood-curdling cries will have you thinking that your baby is reporting a 187 in progress. And you’re the 911 operator trying to understand the panicked caller.

This could be a night that tests your mental fortitude under sleep deprivation. It’s also a surprising way to learn what cluster feeding is.

You May Become a Bouncer

Unless your baby resembles a facehugger from the Alien movies, a lot of family and friends may want to visit and see your baby.

Since your baby is unable to consent to being touched, held or kissed, it is up to you to set boundaries up front, based on your comfort level. Enforce them, if necessary.

Premature babies, fresh newborns, or immunocompromised babies will need to stay away from germs for a while. Especially with measles outbreaks making a comeback in 2025, as babies cannot get vaccinated for MMR until 12 months of age.

Contact Naps

You’ve tried swaddling or sleep sacks and have had mixed success, but sometimes your baby will only nap for 10 minutes.

Contact napping is when your baby wants to be held close to you until they fall asleep, and to stay asleep. You must be awake and alert for this.

Often, it works best while standing and rocking, or while walking (the transport response). Sometimes, this seems to be the only way your baby is going to nap.

While it gets you through the day, you are held hostage by contact napping. Enjoy this life hack until it’s time for sleep training.

Enjoy The “Eureka” Moments While They Last

So you’ve cracked the code, Baby Whisperer! You finally figured out the secret rain dance for how to [insert any concept here]. E.g. put your baby down for a nap without relying on contact sleep.

The instruction manual that came with the baby didn’t mention anything about this. In fact, that’s not even a baby manual, it’s a Costco products catalogue; you were just too sleepy to notice.

That exact magic sequence might work this month, but next month, it may have no effect at all. It might even have a negative effect, because next month’s secret code isn’t even a dance.

Car Rides

Remember how much you celebrated how easy your newborn was with car rides? Just some engine rumble and a little motion, and they’re slumbering. Those were good times, but how about now? Are red lights your worst enemy yet?

As already mentioned, babies change over time, and the same old tricks don’t always keep working, or don’t work as well as they used to. When you figure your baby out, you’ve levelled up, and the next puzzle is unlocked for play.

Daycare Wait Lists

Depending on the area you’re in, daycares can have a long waitlist. We’re talking up to multiple years.

Depending on your living and working arrangements between you and your spouse or partner, you may consider part-time vs full-time daycare. There may be a shorter wait list for part-time.

Either way, you may want to start applying well before you need it.

“Food Grade” Silicone

So you’re planning on making your own baby food and using silicone to store, cook or heat food in, or feed your baby with. Be cognizant that not all silicones are the same. If there’s no certification without rigorous standards, would you trust it with your baby’s health?

Coloured silicone that turns white when bent or stretched is an indicator of either lower-grade or wear-and-tear silicone, which may leach harmful substances into foods. Baby food, especially, may be susceptible to absorbing these substances.

The term “Food Grade” or “BPA Free” alone is not a silicone certification. In the EU, there is the LFGB certification. In the US, there is FDA 21 CR 177.2600, but “FDA Approved” alone doesn’t mean it’s safe. Canada has nothing of their own, but recognizes these standards. Platinum-cured silicon is not a certification, but it is a higher-grade method of silicon production.

Amazon sellers may not list any of this information, but if you go to the manufacturer’s website, they usually proudly display their certifications.

What Worked With You Is Probably Outdated

You may want to take your parents’ advice with a grain of salt. Better yet, fact-check them.

Some of the ways you were raised aren’t only questionable now, but some can harm or un-alive your baby. Just because you survived the 1980s or 1990s, it doesn’t mean that everyone else did, completely unscathed.

This is not an exhaustive list, but should inspire you to do some research. Some things are now effectively banned in my country. To name a few outdated concepts:

Car seat placement
Sleeping position and sleeping environment
Baby powder (especially talc-based)
Drinking water before 6 months of age
Feeding honey before 12 months
Baby walkers
Asprin

Grandma or Grandpa might mean well, but put your baby’s health before their feelings.

Poop Is Not So Gross; It’s Kind of Funny!

The prospect of getting poop all over your fingers used to be a fear of yours. That’s why you practically make oven mitts out of T.P.

Well, it turns out that even a properly fitted, correctly sized diaper may not keep all of your baby’s poo in containment. This can happen an awful lot.

And somehow, poop filling up to your baby’s belly button, or halfway up their back, isn’t as gross as imagined. At this point, the only thing you can do is laugh. At least for a moment. Before bringing the soiled onesie to the sink to be hand-washed.

SIDS Risk

There are different causes of SIDS, but one of them is related to oxygen levels during sleep. At the surface level, one can incorrectly assume that it’s a non-judgmental term for suffocation.

Unlike suffocation, this cause of SIDS doesn’t require the baby’s airways to be blocked. If they’re breathing too closely to a non-breathable material or object, they are cycling old carbon dioxide over and over, as it has little time or room to escape. This can drop blood oxygen levels.

In adults, we get an “arousal response” when blood oxygen levels drop, mini wake-ups that auto-correct the issue. This is why a person with obstructive sleep apnea doesn’t die 200 times every night. Babies under 12 months don’t have this arousal response.

Look to professionals for tips on sleeping positions, sleep environment and SIDS prevention.

Final Thoughts

Every baby is different, so what works for others may not apply to yours at all. So why did I overshare a bunch of stuff that may not happen? It’s common enough that I hope someone will find it useful.

Remember to seek detailed parenting advice from professionals. This story is intended as a heads-up for its respective topics; it does not replace expert advice.

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This post was previously published on medium.com.