I Didn’t Want to Date Online

I rejected the idea of online dating. I wanted to meet someone organically, or ‘out in the wild’ as they say. I jumped on Bumble three years ago, and again two years ago.

I never got back to one man.

There’s a reason I never got back to any guy. I wrote about it recently in 3 Ways People Find Love After Divorce. I knew a simple truth. Online dating works.

The majority may hate it but it works.

It’s one of the most common ways people find love after divorce.

I knew if I took online dating seriously I might actually meet someone.

I was apprehensive.

I told myself that it was my fear of dating, of reemerging, and of commitment. But the real reason I resisted online dating is I knew it may lead to a relationship.

The odds were in my favor.

I’ve met many couples who’ve met online.

I chose to remain in my bubble.

Until my high school friend called me out.

“You’re not dating with intention,” she said. “You need to date with intention. You need to get serious.”

My friends are frustrated with my resistance in dating.

They want me to find my guy.

They worry about me. I’m not worried. If I was worried I wouldn’t have resisted dating for this many years after my divorce. But I will admit I’m finally open.

I want to find someone I care about.

Do I care if it’s a long-term relationship?

Not really.

I’m still risk adverse. I like the guys who aren’t readily available because it feels less threatening. It might be why I got back to a guy I matched with who lives in Massachusetts.

My friends thought his profile looked too perfect.

He couldn’t be real.

He promised he was real and called me. We talked for a long time. He was easy to talk to. I was surprised. I didn’t want to hang up. We talked about him traveling here for a weekend.

I’d finally corresponded with a man on a dating app.

This wasn’t a baby step for me.

It was a huge step.

I got even bolder and began talking to a couple of men who live locally. It means I may actually begin going out on ‘real’ online dates. They’ve all been nice guys .

It’s been a great experience.

Albeit, still only in the dating infancy weeks in.

Even though I’m unsure of what I want, I did check long-term relationship. Why? Because I don’t want to meet the guy who is just looking for sex. I’m not sure if I want a huge commitment or marriage.

I’m not a casual hook-up either.

I’m in the in-between stages of dating, relationships, and commitment.

I’ve been completely honest.

I’m not looking for anything. I’m not the kind of woman who will put demands or expectations on you. But if you are strictly looking for something short-term I can only define what short-term looks like for me.

And it’s not casual sex.

Because that isn’t short-term it’s a hook up.

I may have scared off one guy by attempting to explain myself. He was cute, sweet, and sincere. He’d just suffered a terrible loss. I have a close friend who’s also recently suffered the loss of the one he loved.

It makes sense they aren’t ready for commitment.

But remember I’d checked off a long-term relationship.

Thus, I’m sending a bit of a mixed message. It’s one that’s hard to decipher with a quick glance at an online dating profile. But I am nothing if not completely honest.

I’m direct.

I don’t want to mislead a man.

And I don’t want to be misled.

I’m going to continue to take the advice of my best guy friend. He told me long ago to give online dating a serious chance. It’s how he met his girlfriend.

He encouraged me to look at it differently.

“Don’t put too much pressure on yourself,” he said. “Just look at it as an opportunity to have fun and meet new people.”

It turns out he was right.

I’m finally open to it.

I didn’t want to give online dating a chance.

Because I knew it’s one of the most common ways people find love again.

And I was entirely ready until now.

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This post was previously published on medium.com.