By I’m From Driftwood
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João Kiser was a United States soldier serving in the Middle East when the anti-gay military policy of “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” was repealed. Suddenly, and for the first time, he could serve openly as a gay man. During this time, he met another gay soldier on base and their relationship quickly evolved from a friendship to a romantic one. When the realities of military service forced them to return home and to their separate states, there was talk of visits and attempts to continue their relationship at home. Unfortunately, fate had other ideas, leaving João with a heartbreaking but important lesson.
Transcript provided by YouTube and enhanced with AI:
[Music]
João Kiser from Millersville Georgia.
I came out when I was 16 and later joined the military at 21, even though I didn’t want to due to the macho culture I had grown up around. I didn’t want to hide my identity because of “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell,” but I ended up joining after college became too expensive, and I needed a way out of my current situation. I became a linguist, which made my experience somewhat different.
The most challenging part was when I got stationed at Fort Hood in Killeen, Texas. From there, I was deployed to Iraq and Kuwait. During my deployment, I kept my distance from others to avoid revealing my sexuality and risking my job. However, halfway through my deployment, “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” was repealed, and I could finally be open about being gay in the military. I joined a group called OutServe, which was instrumental in getting the policy repealed.
During my deployment, I met Jeff through the OutServe group, and we quickly became close friends. He was an officer in the National Guard, while I was on active duty, so our relationship wasn’t easily noticed. We started dating, and our time together during deployment was like “deployment dating.” We spent time watching movies and hanging out, cherishing our limited time together.
As my deployment neared its end, Jeff informed me that he would be going home soon. It was tough for both of us to accept the impending separation. When I returned home, I was looking forward to Jeff being there to welcome me, but he couldn’t make it due to work commitments. This led to some arguments and conflicts between us, and we eventually stopped talking.
After some time, I learned that Jeff had passed away unexpectedly due to a sudden headache. I regretted the unresolved conflict we had before he died. If I could do it all over again, knowing the outcome, I would choose to see him because the time we spent together meant a lot to me. Jeff’s passing taught me the importance of cherishing the people in our lives and not holding onto anger.
In conclusion, time with loved ones is precious, and we should cherish every moment we have with them, whether they are friends, family, or significant others, as we never know how much time we have with someone. Enjoy the present and the people around you.
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This post was previously published on YouTube.
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Photo credit: iStock
