I Had My Dog Castrated and He’s Completely Changed

At 2 am, I woke up with Crocker on top of my head. It’s Phi Phi’s usual spot; she sleeps on the pillow.

Crocker and Phi Phi are my fur babies. Crocker is three times bigger than Phi, as he is what we call here “Aspin” — in my language “Asong Pinoy” — or what you would call a mutt.

It hadn’t been an easy journey.

When I first got Crocker, I already had Phi Phi, who was a very young two-month-old puppy.

It was still during the pandemic, and I had dreamed of calling a male dog by the name — Crocker. The next day, a friend posted that her friend would be surrendering her dogs to the pound if they were not rehomed.

I knew I had to save at least one dog.

I had thought he would be smaller, but when he arrived, he looked different from the photo.

He also showed signs of microaggression that made the guy I hired to take him to me unwilling to take him to the vet the next day.

I didn’t think through my decision. What followed would be months of feeling sorry for Crocker but also regret for taking on an extra responsibility when not only could I not afford it, but I also got sick.

When my partner and I moved to a new apartment after the pandemic, suddenly the place we were renting became not dog friendly. Crocker had a hard time adjusting, unlike Phi Phi. I know why, it is because Phi had me and my partner day and night.

At night, Crocker stayed in his own room, which I thought to be the solution for his microaggression. This was another reason why for a moment, I did think of giving him up, but every time I did, guilt would run through my body like cold water.

On one rainy night, I knew Crocker would be afraid of the sound of the thunder, as he had always been, and I had to stay with him until the rain stopped.

I knew then, Crocker for all his microaggression, was also a sweet boy.

While Phi Phi isn’t afraid of anything and would apologize when I ask her to whenever she ravages one of the toys — she gets away with everything, because she is such a sweet girl to us.

I had to remind myself that Crocker was the same, except he was different, partly because I didn’t smother him with love the way I did with Phi Phi.

I do take responsibility, and if there’s one lesson you can learn from reading my story — that if you are thinking of having a dog in your life —that it’s a big responsibility, and that it isn’t easy. But I would also be the first to say the rewards are greater than everything you give them, as they would show you one day that their love is unconditional.

That day happened after I finally got Crocker castrated.

Get your dogs neutered

Do you need to get your dogs neutered? In the end, it will be up to you. While I do take precautions whenever Phi Phi is in heat, it is hard to keep an eye on Crocker especially now that he too sleeps in our bedroom and everyone shares the same bed.

I don’t want Crocker to feel neglected or unwanted. The one trait he shares with humans is that Crocker can sulk when he doesn’t get what he wants, or when he thinks mommy that’s me is upset with him.

The only solution was for either one of them or both of them to be neutered. I am still thinking about Phi, but getting both of them neutered can be costly, and I had to first go through the experience of taking care of one dog rather than be unprepared if I got them both neutered at the same time.

Can a dog’s personality change after surgery? A fair question. Well, I found out that they do. Crocker, after we got home from the hospital, was all about mommy.

I was a bit nervous during the procedure. Although I bring Crocker to the vet for his vaccines and grooming, which means getting his nails clipped, as I bathe both of them, we went to a different veterinarian, and it was his first time at this clinic.

He wasn’t aggressive, more afraid, especially after the first injection to raise his heart rate, and also when he first saw a dog in the mirror, which was actually his reflection. Then we had to wait for some time to give him his next injection I forgot what it was for, and finally, the last one would be the anesthesia that would put him to sleep.

While the doctor assured me that everything would be OK, I was anxious. It was like any other mommy; I was worried for my child.

And that was what Crocker was to me. While I smother Phi Phi because she’s like our baby girl, Crocker is still my baby.

The operation was quick, but I had to stay with him until he was fully awake.

And the waiting game began.

It took an hour for Crocker to open his eyes. Since the clinic was nearby, we took our version of tuk-tuk. Crocker was in my lap asleep. By the time we got home, he was still half asleep, so I asked my partner to take care of Phi because I needed to be with Crocker.

It was a long night. I had to check on Crocker constantly, and one of my concerns with Crocker is that he can sometimes show aggression when touched. In the following days, I had to give him pain reliever medicines and antibiotics.

I had to be creative. Although I have been mouth-feeding both Phi and Crocker their treats, it is hard to put medicines in treats, and I had to make sure Crocker would swallow the medicines.

I was fearful that Crocker would not heal as quickly, and also, he didn’t want to wear the cone so he wouldn’t be able to lick his wounds. Luckily nothing of what I feared happened.

While not completely healed, I started to be more motherly to Crocker. And I don’t know how it happened, but I would end up carrying him outside, and he loved it.

I found out he also wanted to be carried like a baby, like Phi.

And then we decided that Crocker could stay in our bedroom, a decision that on some days I regret, but I also got used to. Even if they continue to fight before they go to bed, it is nice that Crocker found his safe space, and that is to be around us.

It has been two weeks, and Crocker should be ready to take a bath again. He wakes up in our bedroom and always comes with me when I go down to start the day.

Every morning, I ask Phi to stay with her dada, my partner, instead of coming down with us.

I know that Crocker wants his “me time” with mommy.

Yes, Crocker has changed. He doesn’t growl as much, and he is as sweet as he wants to be. He always finds his way next to me when I am working, and he fights with Phi for attention.

But more importantly, I also changed. Yes, if I had Crocker when he was a puppy, it would have been easier, but he is not so different from any other dog. All he wants is love.

And when I gave more of it to him, he rewarded me with the kind of love that I wasn’t expecting from him — unconditional.

Thank you for reading

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This post was previously published on MEDIUM.COM.

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