I Hired a Wingman — Here’s What They Taught Me About Attraction

So, before I was successful at finding love, I was a self-proclaimed serial dater. After enduring a carousel of Tinder dates ranging from the hilariously bad to the painfully awkward, I realized I am not interested in being someone’s rebound, therapist, or relationship tutor. But what do you do not to get stuck in this never-ending and self-defeating online dating cycle? You guessed it, I got myself some much-needed outside help. A master in the art of human attraction. A real-life Hitch.

I hired a wingman.

See, since my taste in men sometimes is questionable, as per my Dad, and downright stupid if you were to ask my brother, giving this social experiment a chance was what I had to do. Research, if you will. What could leave my love life in the hands of a wingman teach me that I hadn’t already absorbed from years of rom-coms, failed Tinder dates, and the occasional unsolicited DM from a man who only types in lowercase and exclusively uses emojis? A lot.

Attraction is about the obvious, right?

The first thing I learned about attraction was that it isn’t about what you say but how you make someone feel. It’s a matter of confidence, body language, and energy, frequently speaking louder than words. People are drawn to others who make them feel seen, understood, and emotionally connected. Let’s be honest: it’s never about the best pickup line. Attraction is less about the specific words you say and more about the feelings you elicit through presence, tone, and honesty.

Simple, yet groundbreaking.

Confidence is contagious. People aren’t drawn to what you say but to the energy you radiate. I needed to believe I was worth talking to before anyone else would. Sounds obvious. And yet, I had been walking around with the energy of a person who just realized she sent a text to the wrong group chat. Not ideal. And so I to do it better. I stood taller, laughed when I felt like it, and enjoyed the moment, the bar, and the people around me. The more fun I had, the easier it got, and the more people were in my little bar orbit. Surprisingly, it didn’t feel forced or like I had to find someone to In all honesty, before I was successful at finding love, I was a self-proclaimed serial dater. After enduring a carousel of Tinder dates ranging from the hilariously bad to the painfully awkward, I realized I am not interested in being someone’s rebound, therapist, or relationship tutor. But what do you do not to get stuck in this never-ending and self-defeating online dating cycle? You guessed it, I got myself some much-needed outside help. A master in the art of human attraction. A real-life Hitch.

I hired a wingman.

See, since my taste in men sometimes is questionable, as per my Dad, and downright insane if you were to ask my brother, giving this social experiment a chance was what I had to do. Research, if you will. What could leave my love life in the hands of a wingman teach me that I hadn’t already absorbed from years of rom-coms, failed Tinder dates, and the occasional unsolicited DM from a man who only types in lowercase and exclusively uses emojis? A lot.

Attraction is about the obvious, right?

The first thing I learned about attraction was that it isn’t about what you say but how you make someone feel. It’s a matter of confidence, body language, and energy, frequently speaking louder than words. People are drawn to others who make them feel seen, understood, and emotionally connected. Let’s be honest: it’s never about the pickup line. Attraction is less about the specific words you say and more about the feelings you elicit through presence, tone, and honesty.

Simple, yet groundbreaking.

Another effect is that confidence is highly contagious. People aren’t drawn to what you say but to the energy you radiate. I needed to believe I was worth talking to before anyone else would. It sounds obvious, but I had been walking around with the energy of someone who just realized she had sent a text to the wrong group chat. Not ideal.

And so I tried my best to do better. I stood taller, laughed when I felt like it, and enjoyed the moment, the bar, and the people around me. Maybe, in a sense, I just stopped caring about what others thought about me and started enjoying life, the bar, and the carelessness of it all. The more fun I had, the easier it got, and the more people were in my little bar orbit. Surprisingly, it didn’t feel forced or like I had to find someone to go home with. I was celebrating my wonderful self with other amazing humans, which felt refreshing.

It’s about interest and a genuine connection.

While dancing, talking, and having a blast, I found that the best way to make someone like you is to be genuinely interested in them. Not just nodding and smiling while waiting for your turn to speak, but actually listening. You know, the kind where you lean in because you feel like you are somehow part of this story. Several studies have shown that great in-person meetings are the basis for everything that might follow. So, instead of frantically thinking of the next thing to say, I leaned in. I asked questions. I let silence exist without panicking. And you know what? It worked.

People opened up.

Conversations stopped feeling like a stiff interview, full of forced questions and nervous pauses and started flowing like a dance — easy, spontaneous, and in sync. Suddenly, there was no pressure to impress or to come up with the perfect thing to say; it was just about being in the moment. That’s when it hit me: attraction isn’t about performing some grand gesture or saying all the right words. It’s about being yourself. And believing that you are the person you want to be with. Because, above all, in the end, our longest and most intimate relationship is the one with ourselves.

Who helped me realize all of this? Who is this secret wingman I’ve been writing about? And how would I conclude this very interesting social experiment? So here it is. The truth and nothing but the truth.

My best friend had been my real wingman all along

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So, after all my serial dating, Tinder disasters, and self-sabotaging situationships, I finally realized that I wasn’t looking for a partner — I was seeking permission to be the most radiant version of myself. So, what did I do? I took the plunge and finally agreed. And why not? She’s the one who helped me see what I was too stubborn to notice on my own. She had always cheered me on, reminding me of my worth whenever I didn’t trust my gut instincts and had a shattered self-esteem. She nudged me forward when I felt like hiding in the corner. Her voice in my head told me to stand tall and believe in my worth.

Because that’s the thing about great friends, they don’t just push you toward love; they also protect you from the wrong kind of love. They see you in a way you sometimes forget to see yourself. They are the ultimate hype squad, the safety net, the reality check wrapped in a warm hug.

So yes, I learned a lot about attraction that night. But not from some slick dating coach in a suit. I learned it from a friend who has always had my back, has always been my biggest cheerleader, and has repeatedly saved me from myself.

And if you’re lucky enough to have a friend like that? Hold onto them. Because, trust me, they’re the best wingman you’ll ever have.

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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