We met. We fell in love. We moved. We made plans. The first ceremony happened at the courthouse in Oslo after a decision to quit everything and leave the country where I was living.
We had to act fast. We were in love and marriage was in our future, but we referred to that wedding as ‘signing papers.’ I needed a visa to stay in Norway, and the time limit wouldn’t leave us enough time to plan something and invite family and friends. This was just the start, we said. This was just the paperwork. Our “real” engagement and wedding would come later.
And it did. Sort of. My partner proposed in 2019 in front of our parents in a sweet and unforgettable moment by the sea. I cried. My parents cried. We toasted our wedding in 2020 with a glass of champagne and started planning where and when.
We set the date for July 2020 and started looking at venues. We tasted cakes. Friends bought plane tickets. They booked Airbnbs.
But in March 2020, we all know what happened. 2020 was not the year of weddings. And 2021 would not be either. We postponed our wedding three times. Our dream of having a wedding in the U.S. with all of our friends and family from both the U.S. and Europe eventually gave way to the practical realization that we needed to celebrate on both sides of the sea.
Thus, two more weddings were created.
Now, July 2022, I can say we are really, really married. We had our ‘signing papers,’ ceremony. We had our small celebration in Oslo. And we had our ceremony in the U.S. And aside from a few unfortunate illnesses keeping cherished friends or family away… it was perfect. Both of them. All of them.
Getting married three times to the same person is unusual, but I’m so glad we did it. I feel so lucky that despite a pandemic and a two-year delay, we were able to follow through with our plans to celebrate with our family and friends.
You can never wait too long for something good
There were many times over the last two years when I wondered if the moment had passed. Did we really need a celebration? Was it too much effort? Our lives had marched on along with everyone else’s — would anyone care we were having a ceremony when they knew we were already married?
The answer is yes. The people that mattered cared. Our friends and family showed up for us just like they would have two years ago. They organized dinners, bought gifts, helped carry things, and toasted to our success as a couple. That, in of itself, felt like a gift.
Perfectly imperfect
There are a million details with weddings. Maybe a trillion. What shade of white do you want the tablecloths to be? Should there be one bouquet of flowers in the centerpieces, or two? It’s easy to get bogged down in the details, but it doesn’t have to be that way. Both our ceremonies went off more or less how we imagined, even though some of the details weren’t what we had planned.
It will come together. Trust me. But if you focus on the small stuff, you’ll enjoy it less when it gets here. Likewise, if you focus on what went wrong, you’ll miss the real magic which comes from being in a room full of people you love.
Embrace the ugly cry
It’s not often you get the opportunity to tell your loved ones just how, well, loved they are. Weddings are a unique chance to stand up in front of people and explain how much you love the person you’re marrying, but it’s also a chance to tell those near you how much you appreciate their support.
It’s hard, though. During the ceremony, I felt like I was constantly battling to either remove myself from the room mentally or sob hysterically. It’s overwhelming and scary to be both present and vulnerable.
But it’s worth it.
Let yourself cry, or laugh, or look intensely into the eyes of your best friend and tell them you love them. It is draining and nerve-wracking, but it’s an opportunity you might not get again. If I’ve learned one thing from the pandemic, it’s that you have to seize opportunities as they arise. You never know how much time you’ll have with someone, or when the next pandemic is around the corner.
I tried my best to present and let myself feel all the feels. I just put on waterproof makeup first.
https://medium.com/the-expat-chronicles/the-rudest-people-on-earth-271298948c8b
—
This post was previously published on medium.com.
***
You may also like these posts on The Good Men Project:
 White Fragility: Talking to White People About Racism |
 Escape the “Act Like a Man” Box |
 The Lack of Gentle Platonic Touch in Men’s Lives is a Killer |
 |
—
Photo credit: iStockPhoto.com
