Being a parent is hard. I used to have days where I thought that I was going to go crazy because I was the unprepared mom who showed up with the wrong things. Or, I was the overprotective parent, who carried band-aids in her purse(band-aids, antiseptic and gauze to be exact), and always worried about child abduction.
Now add being a foster/adoptive parent to the mix. I was overwhelmed the day I became a foster parent to a 9-year-old.
I was afraid in my own home. Fearful of the threats from the biological parents about abducting her. Every social worker visit, you could feel your heart start beating faster. We would imagine the social worker seeing one room not perfectly cleaned, and they would grab our little and run off with her. We were afraid of everything.
It wasn’t until we adopted(a very long process filled with bureaucracy) our daughter that we finally had permanency for all of us. About a month into being parents with our very own child did we start to relax. And that was when I was able to see from a different perspective.
No one stops to think about how your child sees you when you feel like you’re failing. But, from her perspective, I am her hero.
From her perspective, I showed up to everything parents were supposed to and we bought her new clothes and shoes. We took her on vacations to new places and taught her all about the local cultures and animals. She cuddled with us when she was afraid to sleep in the dark(and we didn’t turn her away), and held her hand at doctor appointments. We allowed her to play an instrument and pursue sports. But most importantly, we cared about her and her day. We loved her fiercely.
So while I felt like a mediocre parent that was drowning in responsibilities, she saw me as a hero. Her perspective is all I need to confirm that I’m an ok as a mom. It’s the only perspective that matters.
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About Christine Bofenkamp
I am Murphy’s law in action (if you doubt that, ask my husband). I like to say I'm a classy lady when in reality I put on red lipstick and run around in my pajamas. I’m a parent to a teen, wife to an exceptional husband and dog mom to two unruly doods (Rumple and Rosie). I try to swear less, sometimes this cannot be avoided, and captain cuss word shows up (this usually occurs directly after Murphy's law has kicked in, it's a vicious circle).
