I Miss My Hair Sometimes

It’s one of the most traumatic things that can happen to a man — but what makes it worse is that it often happens in slow motion.

No, it’s not dropping your motorcycle or losing an arm wrestle. It’s losing your hair, which affects more than half of men aged 40 to 49. If you’re a dude, that’s a 1 in 2 chance that you’ll lose at least some of your luscious locks by that age.

It’s so normalized that you’d think guys wouldn’t care that much when it happens. But us men have limited options when it comes to changing our look. Hair is a big one — which I used to take pride in. (Now I source pride from my other less superficial attributes, like my patience, understanding, and creativity.)

I got an early start to the end of my hair

I started losing some of my hair by my late teens. Before that, I dyed my hair fairly often, gelled it back at times, and even wore three-inch spikes at one point in high school. I liked my hair — the way it framed my cranium, the way it balanced out my long head, the way it gave me something to run my fingers through when nervous (before I could grow a half-decent beard.)

It didn’t take too many years before I lost a lot more hair. (I remember the first time I saw a photo of the top of my head in my late 20’s, and realized there was a bald spot. At first I thought it was just glare from the flash — but nope, big patch missing.) Now, that relatively small patch of barren scalp has grown into Antarctica, a tuft of short hair surrounding it like an ocean.

It’s no surprise then that I grew up receiving lots of advice (mostly from family) about how to retain my hair. There is apparently one “solution” where you pour eggs over your head. There are many pills and potions that are supposed to bring back men’s hair, but a cosmetic hair transplant is probably the only way to guarantee it. Cosmetic procedures are generally not covered by health insurance, and the costs of a hair transplant can range from $4,000 to $15,000 that I don’t have.

At some point in my 30’s I finally surrendered to my hair loss. It didn’t bother me that much at the time, but admittedly sometimes I fantasize about covering up my hulking forehead with some bangs or a swoop.

When I go to the salon now, it’s only about 5–10 minutes in the stylist/barber’s chair for a head shave. This usually lasts me 3–4 months, until the sides start puffing out, sort of like Larry of the Three Stooges. Sure, it’s a cheaper haircut than before (they give me the seniors’ rate out of pity), but I would pay more to have more hair to cut.

There are really no big surprises here. My dad and father-in-law are mostly bald — and so was my grandpa on my mom’s side. It’s not like I wasn’t at risk for hair loss. But it’s not as breezy for men as much as you’d think. We do value our hair, as it’s part of our overall identity. When men lose it, we also lose some of our confidence. It’s actually a bit traumatic until you accept it.

Either way, people will treat you differently. According to a survey, men with more hair are perceived as more attractive, and even preferred as a leader.

It’s not all bad news for dudes

My wife says she likes my balding/shaved head, and I suppose that’s all that really matters. But other women supposedly don’t mind baldies either — in fact, according to the survey, women rate men with shaved heads higher in manliness.

“Men with shaved heads and naturally balding men were both rated as more masculine than men with a full head of hair,” reads the study. However, the results also found, “Men with a full head of hair were perceived as healthier and more attractive than both groups of men.”

I’m not really sure what to make of this. So I look more manly, but not as good as other men with hair? Does this mean women are not actually that into famous baldies like The Rock, Bruce Willis, Vin Diesel, and… Prince William? (Who, believe it or not, was once named the world’s sexiest bald man.)

As I said, for me it doesn’t really matter. But for those single and looking guys out there that are worried about their hair, perhaps balding can be an advantage. Perhaps shaving your head and staring down other dudes can win you more dates. Maybe the male competition will run in fear from you, making you the only choice left.

It’s also kind of nice not to have bed-head when I wake up, have to comb my hair before going out, or worry about catching lice from my kid’s school. Being shaved bald is a very low-maintenance hairstyle. Basically, I run my fingers through it once or twice to make sure there are no potato chip crumbs before I leave the house. That’s about it.

In an act of mercy from Mother Nature, I can finally grow a decent salt-and-pepper beard. It probably makes me look older than I am, but no one gives me a hard time out there about it. So now, I spend some time trimming the beard to ensure I don’t look like a squatter in our home, and it makes me feel a little better about the whole situation.

When it comes down to it, having hair is not life or death. That being said, my son has a beautiful head of hair that I hope stays with him as long as he wants it to. Maybe he will break the pattern of male baldness on both sides of our family, and sport a fancy do deep into his later years.

In the meantime, it’s my job to show him that you can be a reliable, sturdy, decent-looking dude — even when your follicles go on strike forever. It’s the confidence that comes with a full head of hair that really attracts people — and you don’t necessarily need hair if your confidence sprouts from within.

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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