Blended family expert Tommy Maloney admits he didn’t want kids—or even a marriage.
The day I found out I was going to be a dad was both terrifying and WOW!!! The funny thing at the time was that I never wanted to be a dad, hell I did not EVER even wanted to be married. I was 0-2. When my then wife was pregnant with our child I did all of the goofy dad stuff like talk to him and him had a name right away of Nicholas. There was great joy in my heart of becoming the dad I wanted. My parents divorced when I was about five and I did not want to go through what I witnessed first hand of my parents marriage dissolve in front of me. I was now 0-3, but truly the biggest hit took place at our ultra sound appointment. The tech informed us that she could not pick up a heartbeat. I was devastated in that moment and it sucked big time. When you hear news like that you honestly are waiting for hidden cameras to jump out and let you know that you were “punked.” That did not happen.
In 2003 on March 11, we welcomed our son Connor to the world. I got the opportunity once again to be a dad. I am such a proud dad these days. Not only is Connor one of those strange (in a good way) kids who enjoys school, but he is also involved with student council and plays baseball and hockey. I honestly never think of the “what if” Connor was not born—I’m just so of very happy he was.
Today I am not just a dad to Connor but also a “bonus” dad to two outstanding girls in their own right. Betsy who is a freshman in college and Becca who is in eighth grade. Oh what is a “bonus” dad you ask? We replaced the word “step” with bonus. I am very blessed each day of being involved with three kids who are going to be the types of kids that you will eventually read about in a good way.
When you have traumatic life experiences, we have the standard line “why me?” This is where a challenge has been placed onto you and you have two choices of either giving in or taking charge. I was so devastated to lose a child, because no matter how far along in a pregnancy the pain is still there. I forget at times to be in gratitude, and when I do something stupid like getting mad at the kids, I need to remember what could have been and that is not having kids at all.
I hope you have the same joys I do of being a parent because #ilovebeingadad.