And just like that, they walk into our life, and just like that, they walk out of it, leaving us completely uprooted. You meet under unique circumstances, almost as if this was not an ordinary meeting; you feel a magnetic pull of familiarity, a comfort, a sense of belonging, an absolute elation almost immediately. This could be a few days of interaction, or even a short meal shared together. You keep going back to those bits of conversation, the laugh you shared, and re-live the experience over and over again. Have you ever received the gift of this person?
It happened to me, and the impact is so profound you think you are crazy. In the beginning, I tried so hard to keep it, hold on to it, continue it. I even acted out of my natural realm of coolness, and made excuses for my persistence, despite seemingly little interest from him. Because such connections don’t come by easy and letting go just seemed disrespectful. Or so I wanted to believe. I went through a million logical reasons in my head for how I may have screwed up. I did the usual drill of waiting, thinking, hoping, praying — all of it to feel the feeling again. And all of it in vain — of course. There is nothing I could do but to sit tight and let the storm pass.
Looking back now, after countless days, and a slightly settled storm in my heart, I realized — why we didn’t happen has nothing to do with me, and has absolutely nothing to do with him either.
It just wasn’t for keeps. What it was, was a beautiful lesson.
The only reason he came in was to show me I was still capable of feeling this intense and beautiful feeling; while exposing all parts within me that were longing for love from me, for care and nourishment form me, so I could be whole again. Just like storms make trees take deeper roots, he pushed me(or rather I had to push myself) to anchor stronger within me.
In ordinary circumstances, we associate such interactions as negative experiences that may leave us confused and sometimes in pieces. In my case, I feel he simply shone a light on all the broken pieces of me. So I could finally look inward, muster the strength to put myself back together, and show up complete. In my belief, these interactions are divinely guided.
It is an intervention to love yourself. Something that had to be taught to me because I didn’t willingly stand at life’s crossroads and choose to go down the path of self-love.
I do think we all get these people in our life, but most often we are too wound up in our feeling of rejection, to view them as a profound opportunity for growth. We have the choice to detest these interventions or use them as vehicles to propel us to love our selves unconditionally — to push us, and empower us to access unlimited pockets of love and happiness within, that will give us the capacity to simply celebrate the wonderful feelings we feel, without needing to hold on to them.
I have sincerely no idea how he felt after meeting me. I may have been just another person he simply forgot, I may have aroused some curiosity or may have stirred a storm in his life just as he did in mine. The need to know how he felt is only to feed my rather fragile ego. It is perhaps best I let go of any desire to know. But I sincerely wish, he receives his own gift from the universe that will bring him closer to himself. As I do wish for all of you.
Previously published on medium
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