“I’m kinda scared,” I say.
“Do it,” says my sister.
“Don’t do it if you’re scared,” says my other sister.
But I am tired of living in fear.
I am weary of carrying post-divorce baggage.
It’s grand larceny. A felony yet I am the one who is frightened. Because this man has shown zero boundaries.
I call the police and they send officers to take my report.
A detective follows up.
I supply proof my ex-husband forged my name on a loan. I have a text where he admits it. For this reason, he is assigned the debt in the divorce agreement but the $50,000 is still on my credit report. Before the pandemic deferred student loans, he didn’t pay which again, lowered my credit score.
My finances are still impacted by my ex-husband. Each time I think I’m rebuilding he does something that takes me backward.
I wait for the detective to meet with the prosecutor.
I have reason to be apprehensive. My ex-husband has demonstrated the lack of empathy he was diagnosed with. And he has successfully gotten away with many of the corrupt and illegal divorce tactics he’s deployed.
This only bolsters an abusive bully’s sense of power.
Ironically, I come from a family of first responders. A group of firefighters and cops but my ex-husband doesn’t care about the proximity to the law or the legal system at large.
I know what you’re thinking.
Why didn’t I prosecute him during our divorce? Believe me, I wanted to. Supposedly, it wouldn’t have behooved me because having him put behind bars wouldn’t have been in my best financial interest. I brought up the subject when I realized he had taken out two credit cards in my name.
He was attempting to make me look like a big spender and thus, the reason for all of our money (supposedly) was gone. Unfortunately, he was caught and had to pay it off.
Family law is generally a hand slap, not a severe consequence.
I remember calling my husband out on the forgery.
“You forged my name on a loan,” I say. “It’s illegal.”
“I didn’t realize I was doing it,” he says.
“Seriously? You had to fill in all of my personal information and sign it,” I say.
In a weak moment, he admits that I deserve the debt. He says as a stay-at-home mother I have failed to carry my weight. He has done this intentionally to leave me with no savings or retirement and debt.
This is the truth.
I recognize it because he is a punishing personality.
The text he sends me is a lie. It’s an invented tale to make it appear as if he is less culpable. He repeats how he inadvertently took out the loan in my name. He again says it was an accident he had no idea they were putting it in my name and not his.
And then he threatens me not to tell anyone.
The detective calls.
The prosecutor has told him this is a family law situation. I knew this would likely be the result. I’ve spent a decade in the counseling and research of love, relationships, and divorce.
I was not surprised.
Again, family law is not prosecuted in the same manner these crimes are enforced in the typical legal system. The good news? At least the detective spoke to my ex-husband. It may not seem like much but bullies are weak and once caught, they are minimized.
If only, temporarily.
I’ve now pursued an additional avenue directly with the student loan. I don’t care if my ex-husband is prosecuted. My intention post-divorce is simply to get the loan out of my name.
My ex-husband knows what he did.
It’s on his conscience.
I just want it off my credit.
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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