Last month I was feeling the need for some kind of change, and had the idea that selling my house and moving would help me make a fresh start. As I was looking at possible new places to live, I realised it was not that different from looking for a new partner. Some I wasn’t attracted to at all; some looked as if they just needed some attention and they’d be fine; some obviously needed looking after; some were nice but not be available; and some were out of my league (financially). But one place seemed perfect for me; it was love at first sight and I was excited about the possibility of living there.
But a strange thing happened. As I was showing prospective buyers around my own place, describing all the great things about it and explaining how much they would enjoy living there, I started seeing it with fresh eyes and succeeded in ‘selling’ it back to myself! I saw how perfect it was for me – not surprisingly, seeing as I had worked on it for over a quarter century to make it that way. I realised that it wasn’t the house I need to change, but my way of looking at it – only seeing what was ‘wrong’. I had lost sight of all the things I loved about it.
It dawned on me that I’d been having some similar feelings in my relationship. I’d started to see my partner in a critical way and been considering whether it wouldn’t be better to start fresh with someone else. But when I started thinking about the real possibility of us breaking up, I began to remember all the things I appreciated about her. I knew I’d be crazy to give her up, as well as being highly unlikely to find anyone else I could relate to so well – and I hated the thought of repeating all the work we’d put into learning about and understanding each other with someone new
So I took down the for-sale sign and called my girlfriend to invite her over for some home cooking. I’m now firmly in a place of gratitude for having a house and a relationship that both feel right for me. There are some repairs needed, and some things that could be improved in both, but I know there are no magic solutions to be found somewhere else. My happiness depends on choosing to see them both in an appreciative way, and on the effort I put into to making them be the best they can be.
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