I have gone through a ton of emotions since being laid off in July. Astonishment, Fear, Sadness, Bewilderment to name a few. The one emotion that I had not allowed myself to experience was anger but it is there, nonetheless.
If I had been employed for a couple of years it wouldn’t be a big deal…but in total I was employed by this organization for over 20 years of my life. The only relationship of mine that spans longer (parents, siblings not included) is with my wife.
When I have some quiet time like today to reflect on everything, I realize it’s analogous to waking up one morning and having my wife say “we’re over — pack your bags and be out of the house in 45 minutes. Oh, and by the way, you can’t see you kids anymore either.” The “divorce” is from my colleagues.
I had probably spent more time with my peers at the office than with my wife and children. The “kids” represent the work. My former colleagues know very well the systems and processes that I built and maintained were my babies. I had been nurturing them for close to 2 decades and was excited about the plan to take them to the next level…but that day will never come.
It was ripped away from me and it’s depressing as hell. I miss the work; I miss the people.
If I’m lucky enough to live to say 80 years old that’s ¼ of my life that was gone in under 60 minutes on a beautiful July day. Moreover, is the uncertainty that comes with this and the stress that it puts on my family (even if to their credit they haven’t shown it).
Look…I get it. No job is guaranteed but at 20 years a job becomes something more. It’s a family, and I was separated from mine
A version of this post was previously published on Medium and is republished here with permission from the author.
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