If It’s True I’m Only Supposed to Have 3 Loves in This Life

Have you heard of the Three Loves Theory? If it’s true I’m totally screwed. My white night isn’t showing up. His horse dumped him off a long time ago.

As always, I’m going to attempt to make the cup ‘half full.’

There’s good news and bad news.

The bad news is supposedly we only have three loves in our lifetime. The good news is the third and final one is our ‘one true love.’ On the ever optimistic side it only takes three tries to get it right.

I know it sounds romantic, right?!

Unless…

You’re like me and you’ve already used them all up.

We can either appreciate or blame author Kate Rose for this theory. In her book, You Only Fall in Love Three Times — The secret search for our twin flame she discusses her hypothesis.

I’ll admit I was a skeptic.

Until I looked into Rose’s insights.

I’ve spent years in the counseling and research of love and relationships. I’ve developed my own insights. I’ve devoted so much to the topic I can be a harsh critic.

But I agree with Rose.

She’s insightful.

I’m going to paraphrase the three loves she ascribes to in our lifetime.

Our Soulmate

I think we can universally agree we all have a first love.

This person is our introduction to romantic feelings. This is the person our young angst-ridden self believes we can’t live without or we’ll die. Sorry, I had to add a bit of teenage drama into it.

But it’s true.

This is our version of our romantic future.

We still believe in Prince Charming, Cinderella, and fairy tales.

It’s the idealistic aspect of love. It’s all things good about love. It’s the combustion of our youth and young adulthood. We’re growing up. We’re experiencing the world.

We’re experiencing love.

Rose says this version isn’t meant to last.

She’s not wrong because for the majority of individuals it doesn’t. We all have our first love. We all have the ‘one that got away.’ We all have that great memory of young love.

To be fair, a few succeed at it.

The Karmic Love

This is the love that does us wrong.

Karmic love is our second love.

I’ll admit I identify with Rose’s description of this type of love. We are all in on this love. The second love in our lives. We want it. We are devoted to it.

We will make this love last.

If not, we will go down trying.

This is what resonates most with me. Our attempts to make this love succeed are severe. It’s our goal. It supersedes the relationship. It’s our childhood self reckoning with ourselves.

It’s referred to as teaching us a lesson about love, ourselves, and relationships. You can think of it as your homework, or lab experiment in love.

It’s an assignment in trial and error.

A love that once felt good, wasn’t good, or right for us in the long-term.

Unfortunately, that says it all.

This second love isn’t necessarily our greatest. Our desire to make it succeed is what fuels the belief that it’s our one and only. This confusion makes us believe it’s what our heart wants the most.

The Twin Flame

I caution myself by saying this is the love that’s easy.

Does twin flame conjure up a few celebrities for anyone else? Because this girl is thinking Machine Gun Kelly and Megan Fox. Do you remember Fox talking about meeting her twin flame?

This third love comes out of nowhere.

We don’t necessarily recognize it because it’s unexpected. What I love about Rose’s description of this love is the reason we don’t recognize it.

In this Elephant Journal article, We Only Fall in Love with Three People in Our Lifetime — Each One for a Specific Reason it details the twin flame, or our third and final love.

I love the way the Kate Rose explains it so I will quote that article here.

“The third love is the love we never see coming.

This is the love that comes so easy it doesn’t seem possible. It’s the kind where the connection can’t be explained and knocks us off our feet because we never planned for it.

This is the love where we come together with someone and it just fits — there aren’t any ideal expectations about how each person should be acting, nor is there pressure to become someone other than who we are. We are simply accepted for who we are already — and it shakes us to our core.

This is the love that keeps knocking on our door regardless of how long it takes for us to answer it.

It’s the love that just feels right.”

The third and final love, our twin flame — “We don’t even know it’s love because it’s too easy.”

I love that!

…

As a freelance journalist, a marketer who has devoted herself to connecting the dots of love, and relationship columnist who has spent years in counseling, and research, I applaud Rose’s theory.

She’s insightful.

A lot of people write about relationships.

It’s valuable. We need to hear everyone’s stories. But some people add an additional layer. They change our perspective. They give us a new frame of reference.

They help us understand ourselves.

They help us love better.

It’s always been my goal. I don’t write to vent (Okay sometimes I do), I don’t write to complain, I write to hold someone’s hand. I write to help us communicate better.

I write to help us understand ourselves.

I write to help us love better.

I wholeheartedly believe in Rose’s theory. Despite of course, those who are actually fortunate enough to make one love work. The first or second love.

I think the majority fall into Rose’s theory of three loves.

Not a great thing for this writer because I might’ve recently used up my third love. Don’t worry. I’m an optimist. I’m a cup is half full girl. And of course, the writer in me could rewrite that story.

I could take it all back.

I could say I didn’t fall in love recently.

I could rationalize the dating world took me by surprise.

And in the psychology of love, not every single thing is textbook. There are always stories that color outside of the lines. There are always exceptions to the rules.

Fingers crossed.

I didn’t recently use up my third love.

He’s just around the corner.

The guy that I meet without expectations that I never saw coming.

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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